Just signed a six month lease for an apartment. Now I've got to shop around for furniture.<P>My wife won't go into the details of her affair from three years ago. I'm not really pushing the issue, because I've had an affair myself for the past eight months. <P>Me and the OW called it quits about a month ago. We ended our relationship mainly because she felt guilty going out with a married man, and I got tired of all the lies. As far as I know, the wife doesn't know about our affair, which I guess is for the best.<P>My marriage has been a downhill slide for the past seven years. We tried counselling during the summer, which didn't help much. The wife doesn't seem to be into saving the marriage, and to be honest, I've almost given up to.<P>This has by far been the saddest year of my life.<P>I used to have a wonderful family. Three great children. What in the hell happened!!!!!!! When I said my wedding vows, I had every intention of spending the rest of my years with my spouse. Now look at us.<P>After I move into the apartment, we're going to try counselling one more time. I hope it works. <P>During the past seven years or so, things changed between us. It seems communication is difficult, we don't talk to one another anymore, and our love life is non-existent. We've made love only two times during the past twelve months.<P>I don't consider myself a bad husband. I help with the kids, housework, and cooking meals. I keep myself in shape, and look about ten years younger than I actually am (43). We don't fight, we don't argue, and maybe that's part of the problem. We're both unhappy, yet pretend there's nothing wrong, and I'm tired of smiling on the outside and crying on the inside. I don't know what to do. My wife told me a couple of years ago she doesn't love me as a husband anymore. I can't remember the last time we told each other "I love you." <P>I used to believe in true love, being together for life, and walking down the beach hand in hand during the twilight years of our life. I'm starting to think that true passionate love is a myth. I can't describe it, but I got this feeling, a sense of panic, dread, uncertainy, in my stomach that won't go away. And I need a break from the Frank Sinatra album "Only the Lonely!!!!!!"<P>I must have done something really bad in a previous life, because I'm paying for it now.<P>The only thing that is giving me hope, is that in my life, when something bad happens, things seem to work out for the best. I hope that's the case now. <BR> <P>

I am sorry you are having such trouble. I hope things work out for you the way that you want them to. You mentioned having an affair, are you still involved in that? Please dont give up the idea of true passionate love, it is out there, if not with your wife, then with somebody new someday.keep your chin up, there's got to be better days ahead for you.. continue to post, let us know how your doing.<BR>Patty

Lost In NC-<BR>First, I think that honestly is the best policy. Come clean with your wife about the affair. It is very possible that holding on to this secret is causing you more trouble than you realize. As difficult as it was for me to hear that me H was 'in love' with another, it was the lies and deception that really torn us apart. My h avoids conflict on every level. He is so silent about everything in his life, that I really never had a chance to be a good wife, because I never know what he wanted.<BR>Secondly, if making your marriage work , is truly what you want, you need to ask her what she needs that you aren't giving her. You need to explain to her that she is important to you, that you love her and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work. Showing her that you are serious about this, might make her realize that the grass isn't always greener.<BR>Lastly, do something for yourself. God knows I know how difficult that is, but taking care of yourself and finding out what makes you happy will be the best thing for you and your wife will see that.<BR>Take care. We are here for you.<BR>God Bless,<BR>cc

Dear Lost,<P>I felt very sad for you after reading your post. I wanted to tell you to keep the faith. Nothing is impossible. Last night I felt so sad that I thought I would die. Even after I signed off the computer, and went to bed, I still did not sleep well because of so many troubled thoughts.<P>A new start means starting fresh with everything. Surely by now you see that honesty is the only way to begin a stable marriage. Right now, you and your wife need to set your priorities straight. Start thinking about what kinds of things you need to do to save your marriage.<P>Chin Up & Keep the faith! Everything will work out fine!<P>Love, Liza<P>Never fear, because god walks right beside you and if you get tired, he will lift you up and carry you.