for 2 yrs i have not trusted my husband. i did not discover an affair. i discovered a credit card bill to a restaurant i had not been to. i asked him about it. he said he went for lunch with some guys at work. i ran into one of the guys. i mentioned it. he said he never went to lunch w/my husband. i approached my husband again. he gave me the same story. i told him i ran into his friend. then, he said he went to lunch with two women from his office. i made him leave because of all the lies. i called one of the girls immediately. she said yes, they did have lunch with two other people. later, i asked my husband why he lied to me about a lunch that involved four people. i even called the restaurant and they pulled the ticket to see how many people were seated. my husband said he lied because of my jealousy. yes, i am and always have been a jealous person. but, for two years, this event has plagued my life. every day i wonder if there was some other reason he lied? i approached one of the women face to face. she was evasive. didn't seem to want to talk to me. i asked people in my husband's office if they heard anything. they said no. this is a burden.

just wanted to respond to your post- this does suck!!<BR>Have you read anything about affairs- have you looked for your faults in the relationship? are you in therapy- or him?<BR>I fyou think there is something going on, there probably is.<BR>Maybe what you can do is examine your feelings of jealousy. Work on you.<BR>Are you just unhappy, getting divorced, or considerein it? I was a lazy husband- and now i realize i miss her terribly. Never too late for one to change.

Donna,<P>I was where you are about for the last 4 years, until about 2 months or so ago. I seemed to think his laziness meant the same, he didn't love me or was ashamed to go out with me. But I thought he was to lazy to have an affair. I was wrong... He was having an affair! <BR>I am not telling you this because I think you have enough evidence to warrant accusations, but to tell you to start loving him now! Stop accusing. NO he shouldn't of lied to you, but it sounds like you need to read Love Busters and Divorce Busting! I used to think one persons attitude couldn't change a marriage. After being here and reading through this site and books, I learned I could change my attitude and eventually my H would change his towards me. I can tell you from personal experience, my h was searching for that softness of a woman and he equated me with bitter anger. So he didn't feel quilty cheating on me. I was angry. HE didn't do anything to help me, I mean nothing! He went to work and came home and ate and either watched TV or sat on this computer. But I changed me, I became softer and more open and receptive to him. No he never admitted the affair, but he did start loving me again. Someone else told me of the affair and I was hurt to the core. I was thinking he had been faithful through all my anger, what a man right? But it really shook me to find out he hadn't been. It was what we needed, unfortunately. I needed to see what my anger had done to him and I needed to bring him down off the perfect pedestal I had him on. I mean that sarcastically! Anyway, I am saying all this to tell you, if you want your marriage, you must change you first. My H is very loving now and he feels really bad for hurting me, but he didn't for a long time. Until he saw I had that softness in me he was looking for, he thought I was too angry to be hurt. We are 2 months in recovery and really now are truly opening to each other.<BR>I know changing you first is hard and can build resentment, especially if they are not receptive to it immediately. I promise you he won't be. He will be thinking it is another ploy and waiting for you to turn to your old self. Just Love Him, if you want to save your marriage! I can tell you to, if he is being faithful, you are love busting in a big way. ALso, asking people at his work really makes you look crazy and insecure and you let a lonely women up there see that and they will be all over him, giving him what he doesn't get at home ... a soft woman!<BR>Sorry to be so harsh, but I just went through all this and it's hard a H--L! I don't want anyone to experience this.<BR>Keep us posted! <BR>M <P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>