This is a little vent from those of us who are separated from our spouses. People on this board talk about how hard things are getting past the affair and withdrawal by the betrayer. Consider this....there are some of us who were never given a chance to rebuild our marriages. We are the ones whose lives have been turned upside down. We are the ones who are forced into sleeping alone every night, imagining our spouses holding the OP in their arms. We are the ones who cry with our children daily because they miss their other parent. We are the ones who were not only betrayed by an affair, but when the truth came out, were rejected again. Be thankful that you have been given the chance to rebuild your marriage. Yes, it may be tough, but at least you have that choice and at least your spouse is living with you. We are not so lucky!<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<P>

This post caused, make that made me, pause and reflect for more than a few minutes. As we used to say in the military "Thanks for the reality check". As hard as it was for me to come to grips with the infidelity, and in spite of the oceans of tears I have cried and the gallons of bile I have tasted due to the bitterness I thank God I do have my wife yet. I wish you the very best and will be praying for you.

Thank you for posting this. I don't resent anyone's good fortune, but I find myself sad when I see posts from people who have all of the possibilities and can't seem to get past the anger or hurt. I'd love to have a chance at rebuilding my marriage ... no divorce talk yet, but no move toward leaving the slug, either ...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

I have felt the same way for days. While I have empathy for those of you who are given the opportunity to try to reconcile, I can't help but wish I were only as lucky as you. I would give my left arm (and I am left handed) to only have my husband home with me. I would relish the chance to help him through the withdrawal. I would bask in the joy of having him in my arms again, but I am not so lucky. Instead I am alone, I have to hold my daughter after awakening from nightmares, I have to try to make it through another day no matter how impossible it seems. I have to wait in anticipation for the phone to ring in hopes that it will be him, calling to say he wants to come home, but that never happens.<P>I am sorry to be so depressing, but I really hope those of you with husbands at home will see just how LUCKY and BLESSED you really are.<P>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.

I too feel upset when I read posts from those who have an opportunity to reconcile but are not taking full advantage of it. I too would give any of my limbs to have my H home again, instead of having to raise the children alone, with none of us understanding why he is gone. <p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited November 16, 1999).]

Unfortunately i'll be joining this group come the first of Dec. Merry Christmas kids, mom's leaving and getting an apartment. Allow me to vent. <P>After she betrayed, was discovered and then lost him back to his wife (guess he got what he was really after anyway), she now has decided that a separation is in order. At least we're not getting divorced right away as she originally wanted. She listened to my words of caution about burning bridges and decided to give life "out there" a chance under the guise of a separation. <P>It's been 9 1/2 months of Plan A and not a single moment of intimacy. Why do i still care. Actually, a part of me doesn't anymore. Rejection has a way of taking the unconditional love expressed immediately after discovery and turning it into a "you can come back IF."<P>As much as part of me wants to let my anger come out in the form of meaness, i'll not do so. I will however draw some boundries and stick by them. She want's her "freedom." OK, you can have it. Good luck maintaining the lifestyle you've enjoyed without me around to pay all the bills. And "no" i will not give you more $$ than is prescribed by law just so you can live beyond your means. I'm very interested in seeing how far you can stretch $22.5K/yr !!<P>You know what else? I've had time to discover that all this is not my fault. I'm not the bad person you have convinced yourself that i am in your efforts at justification of your actions. I've got a good job, i'm in great physical condition, i don't drink or smoke, and i love to laugh. <P>Call me if you get lonely and we'll talk.<P>

nlitend, I so wish I could have your outlook. I wish I had some time to plan A. I hope you get your life back together. I guess those of us going through separation can just have a big pity party together.<P>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.

Rachel,<P>I don't know if you remember me but I am a fellow Minnesotan but now live in So CA. I still visit my family in Mn fairly often. I remember when you were looking for others from this forum in the Minneapolis area and wanted to get together. I would have loved to join you but am too far away. <P>The other thing I remember about you is your three beautiful children and how your screen name is based on them! Your web page was great and it was probably six to nine months ago that I saw it.<P>How are the kids doing? Do they still spend time with OW and H on weekends? I know the divorce was in progress, is it final yet? <P>Let me know.<P>I know this sounds selfish but I like to keep up with past names and find out how they are doing. I'm not trying to offend other posters on this board who are new but check this forum once a day looking for hope in my own situation. I am praying that one day I can be a major inspiration to posters that relationships can survive infidelity.<P>See my profile, I keep it up to date.

This has made me so sad. I feel for all of you who have lost something so precious as the love of a spouse. Mine wanted to leave but had no where to go (OW is married and he could not afford it). I left with my boys for home (another State) when I realized he wouldn't give her up. He told me to come back and his affair is over. So far it seems to be even tho only 2 weeks now. I realize it's far from over and am watching.<P>I feel very lucky to have him back after reading the sadness on this posting. I even seduced him last night and he enjoyed it, even tho he still won't say he loves me back. What worries me is he's a little distant, but yet kind to us all. Why is he not going through the terrible withdrawals I always hear about. He swears it's over and has not had contact the OW, even tho he works with her and he said at times he sees her walking around.<P>I'm so sorry for all of you - it is so heartbreaking to hear of people who so callously leave their spouses and families and you all have my prayers. By the way, prayers WORK! Miracles do happen. An example, my worry has always been that he works with OW. I have wished him to quit or lose his job secretly and prayed for an answer (I also have many others praying for us). Now his boss that brought him to this job in this State is being canned (reorganization has hit) and has a job at a new company already. He wants to take my H with him to the new company! Believe God! Put the burden in HIS hands and let Him do the work.<P>Again, I'm so sorry.

i have to agree here...i have had it 3 ways...H out of the house, H home, and H in the guest room.<BR>yup, him not being home, living with OW without my knowledge, drove me absolutely insane...my heart knew something was wrong, and i was not even giving the CHANCE of knowing what it was.<BR>being apart is the absolute worst.<BR>(though sleeping in the other room is really tough on emotional intimacy, i gotta tell you)<BR> <P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>