Just an update. The H is living with the OW, he told our son he is sleeping on the couch because he wants to live " a morally clean life" right now. I do have an attorney and I have the paperwork done where all I have to do is call and say the word and they can file. One day I want a divorce, (I think) the next day I am not sure. H says he will file then but he hasn't yet. He is doing one of those do it yourself divorce books to save money I suppose. I am getting along pretty good since we separated about 3 weeks ago but this is moving along fast. We have been married almost 24 years and H says there is absolutely NO WAY he can ever be my husband again. So what is holding me back? My good memories? I see that the marriage is over for him, he doesn't seem to have any feelings at all for me now. And my feelings seem to be dying with all the lies, lovebusting and flaunting the affair in my face. I am just overwhelmed and tired, trying to cope, the antidepressant I am taking is helping a lot. <P>------------------<BR>joanne<BR>

joanne,<P>Sorry this is whirling past so quickly. Seems an awful lot of fast action for such a short period of time.<P>My only advice to you is this: if you do not want the D, then don't be the one to get it. If H is so hell bent on getting it,then make him get it. You should only proceed with the D because you absolutely want it for whatever reasons.<P>Like the rest of us, it will take you a long time to get over the trauma yu are experiencing. Believe it or not, your H is also experiencing some trauma of a different nature. <P>As for you H not haveing feelings for you now, who knows - he did once, that changed and now he doesn't - who's to say that won't change again and he come full circle to loving you again?<P>Take a step back and give yourself some time to process this and see where you want to end up. A 3 week separation going on D is pretty drastic to me. Give yourself some room to manuever - you can always shut the door later, if that is what you want to do. Your H may be in the ambivalent or undecided phase, even if he doesn't show it. If the door gets shut too soon, there may be regrets on both your sides later.<P>Wishing you the best...<P>Roll Me Away