Well, you all know about my lovebuster letters on Friday night.<P>Talked w/ MIL this morning. Seems that H had a really good time when he came here yesterday. He hunted, had dinner w/ us, actually talked to me (ok one sentence) about coming home. Seems he spent a lot of time in the woods talking to his brother, too. About how he missed me. He had left because he thought he was doing the right thing (that part I don't understand), but he doesn't think it WAS the right thing to do. Really felt like he had made a big mistake. Lots more good stuff he said to BIL that he was thinking about. Finally, BIL says he sounded like he was starting to come to life again.<P>Held me forever before he left last night. We talked, just about stuff, like real people for a long time. It felt right. More and more of the old H was there.<P>Then he went home and had gotten my letters. He was hurt, then angry. "How could she say those things to me? She can't love me and say those things to me." <P>Now he doubts me. Doubts our marriage. PT's lovebusted for months - he's still there. I've tried so hard to be good, finally broke down once. At just the time he was beginning to trust - me and himself a little. Just when he was beginning to reach out. He doesn't want to see me. Doesn't want to talk to me. One breakdown. At this delicate stage, that's all it took. <P>Strange, isn't it? I feel sick.<P>Lori

Lori,<P>Did you warn him about the letters before he went back to PT's last night?<P>At least you got to connect a little BEFORE he read the letters. He's able to figure out that these letters were written Friday night, and not yesterday. <P>I'm sorry you wrote those letters, but you can't look back now, you gotta look forward.<P>TNT

TNT - Yes, I told him Sunday on the phone and then again last night that I had gotten really upset on Friday night and written him in the middle of the night.<P>In all these years, he's just not used to my losing it, I guess. Took him by surprise. <P>I know. I'll go forward. I've written again. We'll see now, won't we?<P>Thanks,<P>Lori

dreaded double post - my first one!<BR>Lori<p>[This message has been edited by lostva (edited November 16, 1999).]

Lori,<P>Since he is putting so much stock in the letters, why not consider writing him another one - a love letter? You culd explain to him that the letters on Fri were a way for you to purge yourself of anger and hurt, and you didn't really mean to maikl them.<P>Use the love letter to emphasize all the positives you guys have going right now. There is definitely a foundation there, but you and H seem to be out of sync - H's "on" when you aren't and vice-versa!<P>Life is full of the unexpected - if you guys get back together, you can't be expected to be the perfect wife all the time who never has a gripe with her H, and the same for him.<BR>Misunderstandings will contiknue to occur. This may be an OPPORTUNITY for you 2 to spend a little time together to "clear the communication air." Maybe you could even invite him out to dinner/drinks to talk about this??????<P>You are smart and have a LOT of STAYING POWER, Lori. I know you will figure out a way to make this "right" between the 2 of you.<P>Let us know how it goes...<P>Roll Me Away<BR>

It must be a very difficult to "show" your husband that you love him when he isn't there to see all the "little things" you do out of love.<BR>I admire your the strength and compassion you have shown in your posts and replies in this website. You must truely be a remarkable person to reach out to so many when things are so difficult for you.<BR>Maybe there are some "little things" you can do from afar. Send him a yahoo greeting to his email. Write him a letter. Send him a basket with his favorite coffee or fruit or something that will show him that you are thinking of him in a loving way.<BR>Everybody makes mistakes, we just have to learn to move on from them.<BR>Keep being the person you are and have been and he may just "come around" again, and clear the fog from his brain and realize what a tremendous thing it is that he would be giving up.<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole

RMA - Great minds..............I already have. And invited him to go to the Christmas parade this Saturday to hear D sing. MIL talked to him at lunch today too, tried to calm him down. She says she'll keep trying.......Thanks.<P>Nicole - Thanks for listening. I'm gonna try just a few things. He won't be open to them. I just wish I could've held out a little while longer. It would've made things easier. I hate being stupid.<P>Lori

ahem. call him with the suggested phone call. (it will balance the playing field a bit) <grin><P>{{{{{{{{{{ Lori }}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<P>

ohhhh, just thought of something....<P>when I get home, I'll send you a McKuen poem just perfect for a time like this...it may help, if he'll read it.

Lucks, you are a pip! Maybe not the "suggested" call, but I think I may just call him tonight. I'm not sure what I'm gonna say, but...............we'll see.<P>Thanks.<P>Lori

Lostva: I didn't catch your "LB" letters, but I am sure at the time you had a valid reason for writing them. It has been a struggle for you to try and understand where he's at in his mind, but yet you hang on with hope that someday he'll come back to his former self. You hang on with hope that you two will be one again. Someone mentioned on one of the posts to write him a love letter. Try that. Dedicate a love song to him. In fact when I get the opportunity, I try(I can't sing) to sing to my spouse "Just you and me" by Chicago. It came out when we were dating. Listen to the lyrics( I hope I get this right) "You are the love of my life, you are my inspiration, just you and me, simple and free, baby, you're everything I've ever dream of. Give me your own special smile, promise you'll never leave me, just you and me." Oh my gosh, I am going to cry. Refresh his memory, there was a time when you would look into each others eyes and sparks would fly. (In my NY accent....I'm trying here!) My love to you.

So a few letters from you destroyed the marriage? NOT! Don't take it so hard & don't believe that they could ruin everything even if it doesn't work out.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Sobeit - Thanks. I love that song too. It made ME cry ('course that doesn't take much these days!!) I'm seriously thinking about the love letter thing. Haven't done that. Only sent nice informative letters, sweet etc. (not counting Friday.)<P>Chris - I know, I know. I just could've had better timing and I HATE doing stupid things! Thanks, though. I needed that!<P>Lori

OK, guys, now you've got me thinking. Haven't sent one yet - too afraid to be pushy. What do all of you think about the idea of a REAL love letter? Not an "I want you home" letter, more of a "how I feel about you" letter.<P>Good or bad idea???<P>Thanks,<P>Lori

Lori,<P>I think a real love letter would be good, but caution you about going overboard. My only concern is if he is the type who avoids too much emotionalism (like my H), then keep the letter on the shorter side. You should be able to convey your feelings without overloading him.<P>GOOD LUCK!!!! <P>Roll Me Away

Hi Lori,<P>that's the story of my life at the moment...being out of sync with H.<BR>I get such a good feeling about your situation, if he's had all those talks with his brother, and the physical contact is there between you both, (the hugs for the longest time) H is obviously thinking a lot, he's thinking a lot clearer, and a lot more positively. <BR>I also think a letter would be good, explaining your 'temporary loss of sanity' on Fri night - he will realise when the letter was posted, and then hopefully accept the letter for what it was. You letting off steam.<BR>Thoughts and hugs are going down the lines to you.<P>Jo

Lori,<P>"The irony is this..... If you don't go in you can't find out."<P>Those are things that were bottled up inside you for a long time. They needed to be said. He needed to hear them. <P>No regrets Lori, The things we do right now seem like the right things to do. Never second guess yourself on your actions ..... <P>Is there a right time to say the things that are on your mind??? Is there a better place to say them in?? I say, NO. There isn't a better time or place to say what you feel about him. Espicially when he is out of the house. <P>Don't beat yourself up over this.... I think you've said that a few times to me......<P>Take care........ and get some sleep!!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

Instead of a big mushy letter, how about a simple card with a few short paragraphs including something VERY SHORT about how you were just venting in the letters?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

RMA - He USED to be very romantic and emotional, don't know anymore. I'll take it easy and give it a shot.<P>Hi, Jo. How're you feeling? Hopefully he will understand. Talked w/ him for a while last night, apologized for losing it. He was very nice. We'll see. Thanks.<P>Rutger - I do hate it when you send my words right back to me!!!!!!!!!!! OK, getting some sleep tonight and figuring out life's mysteries tomorrow. Take care, my friend.<P>Chris - thanks. I like that idea. He's been saving all my cards and letters. Think I'll hit the card store this afternoon.<P>Lori