I know there are so many that are dreading the holidays. This past holiday for me was pretty horrible. And since my husband was/is (?) contemplating leaving, it wasn't much better, but we seem to be on an even keel now, hopefully we can progress. <P>I was thinking about this year volunteering to help the homeless serving meals at a Thanksgiving dinner. Any one of us could be in that position, and I've found so many times that I'm so embroiled in my own problems that I forget that others really need help out there. When I look at it realistically, my problems truly pale in comparison. I'm thinking that this year is gonna be MUCH better than last.

For Thanksgiving I will be helping my parents move. They lived in their house for 28 years. It has definitely been a year of change for all of us. For Christmas I hope it will be a quiet one at my daughter's. If I could run awy and cover my head I would but can't disappoint the grandchildren.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi Connor,<BR> Thanks for your post this morning. I am trying not to be hard on myself. I have to own my part in the demise in my marriage, it's the only way I can know what to change. I don't have a fantacy world to hide in( EA) Iwent to see my therapist today was real good it lifted me out of my depression. I'm going to Florida for the holidays to visit an Aunt and Uncle it will be my first break from this s@#t. I wish I could leave today!<BR>It's really sad to see someone going through what Robin is. All for what, pure total fantacy. I wrote her a reality check letter last night. I doubt it did any good. I felt compelled to show her the destruction of her behavior. It's god to know your still out there for me . I love this forum what a release.<BR> Thanks,

SDS, nah, you don't want to run away and cover your head. You'd miss out on the fun. I'm sorry you're having this tough time of it, but I just think that if we try to focus elsewhere, maybe it could help us all to put it in perspective.. <P>Hi, William. So glad to hear that the therapist helped ya..and I love Florida. Are you going to Disney? Now if any place can help lift the spirits, it's that one.<P>As far as Robin goes, I guess she will have to come to this on her own terms, but I can guarantee she will. We're all here for ya. <p>[This message has been edited by Connor (edited November 16, 1999).]

My only plans is to comfort my son, and try to keep things as normal as possible.Althoug, volunterring is a good idea. Get out of my own misery and see how others have it. Great idea Connor- thanks for helping out today.

H will be in town for holidays. Since kids will be at my apartment for Thanksgiving, I'm sure he'll stay at his mothers. If her meal doesn't conflict with my family's meal, I will spend it with him. It it does, I'll go with my family and the kids can do whatever they want (probably will eat two meals). On Christmas, I plan on asking him to my mom's Christmas Eve and I've already been asked tospend Christmas morning.

Connor,<P>I am having my kids and grandkids over for Thanksgiving dinner - H will be sharing holiday with OW. In one way, I am sad, of course, that he will not be with us for the holiday. In another way, I am glad - because those of us together can have fun; we (and Me) don't have to watch him moping around moonin for the OW; I don't have to worry when hyis cell phone rings that it will be her or if he sneaks off into the other room with the phone so he can talk to her; I get to be the one using the computer when I feel like it for talking to you guys and not have to worry about him being on-line with OW, etc.<P>SEEEE!!!! There are lots of things to be grateful for in these situations - we just ha e to look for them and remind ourselves. Also, I am a FANTASTIC cook (Cajun, so it comes naturally!) and H's loss at my outstanding holiday dinner (humble blush!)<P>As for Christmas, he mentioned to me yesterday he "hasn't decided" what he's going to do for Christmas, yet. I told him I would love for us to spend the holidays together and as a family and to also work on our marriage. Doubt any of it is going to happen. I have to say this - and I didn't really come to this realization until wee hours this morning - I would probably have a BETTER Christmas holiday without him, under the circumstances, for the same reasons lsted above about Thanksgiving. After all, if he really doesn't want to be with us, and really wants to spend the time with the woman he loves, wouldn't that come across so clearly and then EVERYONE has a rotten time??<P>Just my ponderings for Wednesday lunch break... <P>Roll Me Away

For Thanksgiving, my son and I are driving a couple of hours up to my nieces house. We will get to see the new baby girl that joined our family 3 days ago. And I get to see every one that I haven't seen since spring.<BR><BR>Christmas is the tough one. I am afraid I will be SOOOOO down and barely functioning. All our traditions will have to change somewhat. I dread Christmas morning....

Last Thanksgiving OW was at our house for dinner with friends and family! I did not know about affair (although deep inside I suspected) but H's sister confronted me afterwards and asked "what's going on?" between her brother and OW. I was of course the good wife and gave her the story H gave me-nothing, OW was just a "particularly demanding student" (no sh@t!). H's brother in law also asked H and he lied about the relationship. Lovely memories...<P>This year I am going with my H and two sons on a 12 hour car trip to same sister's house to spend a week. Will be the longest time we have spent together since he moved out in Aug. Bizarre? Yes. Wish me luck...

RMA: Cajun? Really? I love cajun food. My gradnfather lived in New Orleans before he died and I visited him a few times, as a matter of fact the last time was Thanksgiving 5 years ago. Loved him and that place AND the FOOD!!!!!!!!!<P>Actually the holidays represent a time when I thouroughly saturate my body with Egg Nog. Before the holiday season his over it will be in my veins. If you stick me I'll bleed Egg Nog. Just hook me up an IV with Egg Nog and check on me in January!!!

I'm having the dinner at my house with about 20 friends and family members. A divorced male friend of mine is sponsoring this with me and we're doing the cooking together (I know I'm on the edge here, but after 14 months of separation I really don't care). We've picked out a gourmet menu and are taking Wednesday off from work to start cooking. I will also have two stay-over visitors until Sunday. I'm really looking forward to this.<P>I don't know what my husband is doing. His parents will be visiting another son across the country and my husband is not going. He's either hanging with OW and her family or doing nothing. I'm inclined to think the latter. He poked around to see if I was leaving town and asked if he could see the kids "sometime" over the weekend. I gave him Sunday afternoon but didn't take the bait to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. Fat chance, buddy.

Going to MIL's house as usual. I think she likes to have us close to make sure nothing is going to happen. She really doesn't want H's siblings to find out and can control all conversations at her house. I'm sure she is still in denial that her son would step over the line.<P>------------------<BR>

Paul, <P>Yes, New orleans food - FANTASTIC!!<P>How are YOU doing???<P>Roll Me Away

RMA: I'm doing ok, actually good. I'm on a cloud right now, it may not be # 9, but I'm on one of them, working my way to # 9! <P>Thanks for asking.