Well guys I have finally done it. Rmimber the financial situation, and everything else? <P>Tonight I got the @ss chewing of my life. It was just like it was 11months ago. Minus me yelling. <P>I borrowed money for my W. to help her with her rent. As I was making the transaction on the phone A friend of ours was there, and asked me what that was about. I told him. well last night W gave all her financial stuff to her dad for help. <P>They called the same friend and asked them how she went out last weekend when she is broke.<P>The friend then called W and asked if she was in a bind and she said no. <P>WELL( confusinfg aint it)she called her dad, he said he said nothing, and THAT LEAVES ONLY ME. <P>Let me tell you she is PISSED OFF. She told me everything I have said and done are all lies. ( MY PLAN A THAT IS).<P>She also told me to take the D papers and sing them. She has completly locked the door on me. <P>I didn't think her $$$ problam was a big deal. everybody goes through it. Thing is she got caught in a lie. She is always worried what others think of her.<P>Now to all of you withh all the answers PLEAS HELP!!!!!!!!!!!<P>THANKS<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Hi brownphdt,<P>She may be p... off, but it doesn't sound as tho money, or the lack of, is the issue. The issue seems to be that she has been caught out (is it AGAIN?).<BR>In our scenario's I've found everybody talks to everybody, and there's a lot of "he said, she said, but I thought you meant..." etc etc, and once everybody calms down, things are not that bad.<BR>Could you maybe talk to her dad. I don't know your situation with the inlaws (outlaws)<BR>but maybe explain that you had her best interests at heart and that gossiping about her was not intended.<BR>Hope your day picks up, and don't sign the D papers yet. I've made far too many mistakes by acting hastily and emotionally. I only wish I had found this site before I moved out of the marital home and had the support of you guys.<BR>Let her cool down, and then could you call her to explain.?<BR>Thinking of you<P>Jo

She was caught in a lie. She went out with the friend I am talking about. Her best friend.<P>She said I made her lie. I cant make her do that. She is embarest. so she took it out on me. <P>As far as the D papers go She wants me to sign them I dont. It might make things worse if I dont though. <P>If you have read some of my other post you will know that she has a lot on her mind, and her life is crashing around her. She will not let me help her. maybe cause of guilt over what she has done the past few weeks.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Forgot one thing. A mojor thing at that. While I was there getting my @$$ eat out there was a knock on the door. She said " Thats probably my friend micky. I didn't know you were coming over." I went ther cause she hung up on me.<P>She was on the phone when I got here. I don't know who it was, but she yelled" what are you doing here? You are not welcome here any more!".<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Did she yell "what are you doing here? Youre not welcome here anymore"<P>to you, or to who she was on the ph to?<P>We're a bit thick down here!!!<P>Jo

She was yelling to me. this a major fall from the past month or so.<P>Down were?<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Brisbane, Queensland Australia.<P>Maybe a letter would be best. At least she could read and re-read that, and there would be no emotions getting in the way.<P>Sometimes, I found myself saying and doing things to my H (the betrayer) that my heart didn't really want to do or say, but it was almost as if I was acting in a play and the situation called for some particular response or action. Does that make sense to you. It doesn't really to me, but that is the best way I can describe it. <BR>Maybe that is what you W was doing. Her privacy has been 'invaded' and she feels she has to display strong emotion because the scenario calls for it !!<P>maybe write a letter.<P>Jo

Brisbane, Queensland Australia.<P>Maybe a letter would be best. At least she could read and re-read that, and there would be no emotions getting in the way.<P>Sometimes, I found myself saying and doing things to my H (the betrayer) that my heart didn't really want to do or say, but it was almost as if I was acting in a play and the situation called for some particular response or action. Does that make sense to you. It doesn't really to me, but that is the best way I can describe it. <BR>Maybe that is what you W was doing. Her privacy has been 'invaded' and she feels she has to display strong emotion because the scenario calls for it !!<P>maybe write a letter.<P>Jo

Brown,<P>You’ve heard the old saying, “best defense is a good offense.“ She got caught in a lie (she felt the need to be defensive) so she came back fightin’ mad (the offense).<P>Now is the time for you to maintain & DO NOT LOVE BUST!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Have you read my other posts?? <P><BR>She always has to impress people, and worries what they think. that is one reason I think she wont try to rebuild. We have been apart for 11months. I wasnt there during her pregnantcy with our second child. Waht would people say if she went back. this worries her<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

First off Jo, you are thick down there, I am having a bit of trouble following also, and I am up here.<BR>brownphd, let me see if I have got this straight. You borrowed money and your friend overheard the conversation and asked about it. Your wife's parent also talked to this friend, but they told your wife that they didn't. Why did her father lie? I think you need to talk to FIL about this. But I think you were wrong in discussing this with your friend. Your friend was wrong in saying any thing to your wife. <BR>But the deed is done and now what do you do to set things right. I still think you need to tell your fil what has happened. If I remember right I think he is for the two of you getting back together. May he will come clean and tell her that he talked to the friend also. Secondly I still am not sure why you are givng your wife money. You pay child support right? I realize that you don't want anything to happen to your children but to give her money. That is not helping her any. If it got to the point of her being ivicted she could have gone home to her parents or ou could have volunteered to keep the kids. Don't ask her to come home but you would be willing to help her by taking the kidsafter all they are your responsibility too. I think she needs to see reality. That it isn't going to be easy on her own. Just make sure the kids are taken care of. SHe has got to realize if she does want a divorce that you won't be around to bail her out. What is she going to do then. I think this maybe part of her problem. She knows she needs your help so she takes it out on you. This is just as confusing as your post. If you don't understand I will try to clarify later.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Chris, I didn't I did great. I was calm throught the whole thing. One bad thing, Our 3yr old was there. He kept saying momma dnt be mad at daddy. She said "watch tv or go to your room this is none of your buisness." He crawled up in my lap. then she said " what are you gonna do noe take him from me, In reference she says I trying to take her friend away.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Bonnet,SDS, let me clear this up. Our friend over heard. W told FIL she was in trouble. She went out with The same friends( a couple we have known for years). FIL called the friends to ask if she or they payed her way. The friends then Called W with concern. W said she wasn't in any bind and dont know why FIL would say that( lie). W confronted FIL. FIL said He said nothing. I'm the only other one she came to about this.<P><BR>As far as the money goes. Its gonna be hard, but yall are right. If you read (i just recieved the worst news anyone could get). I paid for that and borrowed the money for her rent. She also told me that the amount HER LAWYER set for child support was not enough/ What do I do with that<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P><p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 17, 1999).]

did this shor summary help???<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Yes it helped but go back an reread my post as I am to sleepy to re wirte very much. I still don't understand why your fil didn't tell her the truth. The child support money is just that it is to pay for the children. I guess ask her why she thinks it isn't enough. Does she work? She should be able to pay for things like food and rent. Can she? I mean does she make enough money. I she makes enough to pay for the necessities then I would think twice about increasing the child support. She just need to economize. If she really doesn't make enough to support them then you might increase it if you can. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

All FIL did was ask who payed for the night out. Trying to find out if she was borrowing money from me and him and just waisting her own money. As far as the child support goes she makes almost as much as me, but she is raising both kids. I dont know what to do any more.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

If I understand correctly though when your W asked him about contacting this friend he said he didn't. That is a lie he asked who paid for the night out. If some bodies father asked me that I would think that this person was having financial problems so whay didn't he tellher what he asked? <BR>Next question. Since I have no idea how much you make or whatthings cost where you live or how much you pay in child support. You will have to tell me if what you make pays your rent and food,and al the other things that a person needs to live on? Now add what you pay in child support. Would that cover the children. I guess what I am try to get you to think about is that if she is wasting her money and she stopped doing that would she have enough money. If she lived on a budget could she do it. Is all of her problems with money based on the fact she spends to much for unnecessary things. If you feel that she could make it on what she gets then don't increase if you feel that there is no way she can make it even if she were on a tight budget then increase it a little. But she has got to see how the real world is. <BR>I am going to sleep now I will check back with you in the morning.<BR>------------------<BR>di<P><p>[This message has been edited by SDS (edited November 17, 1999).]

Her father did tellher that he called and asked about the night out, He didnt tell them she couldn't pay her rent. I did.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>