I am just curious if other have thought this question. Why is it that we can open our hearts and souls, tell our most personal and private thoughts to perfect strangers, yet when it comes to the people that we love and cherish most in the world, we find it nearly impossible to express ourselves? Is it because strangers won't judge us? But if that is the case, are the people that we love and cherish so much, really what we are looking for? Just a question. Would appreciate any insight.<BR>Thanks

ceecee - I think we have nothing to lose. We don't risk rejection, humiliation, disappointment because strangers don't matter to us so much. If we get these reactions, they don't hurt so much. We can keep saying these things to strangers until we get validation<P>Interesting, though.....isn't that exactly how a lot of us got here???<P>Lori

CeeCee,<P>I really never really thought about it before but, I have to believe it is a combination of just someone listening to your side of the story and giving advise without any pre determined thoughts of you being the bad guy in the relationship. <P>It's almost the same as if you called your best friend to talk, well depending on how good a friend, they might tell you your'e a horses petute. I think most would just listen and try to give encouraging advise.<P>Our S have obviously formed an opinion that we are truely worthy of being stepped on. I'd rather chat with someone who gives contructive advise and knows where I'm coming from as opposed to the see ya in court with Judge Judy and see if ya keep your underware.<P>Wishing us all the best.<P>Medic

Very interesting question. One that I have asked myself alot. Part of what went wrong in my marriage is that neither one of us opened up to eachother until it was to late.<BR>I guess we can't go back but at least I learned to never hold back what I feel from someone I love again.<P>Ceecee and Lostva- So how you both doing tonight? I'm doing better I guess. I've been thinking about you. Pretty sad, here we are three young, beautiful women sitting in front of a computer screen on a friday night discussing our lost or soon to be lost loves. What is wrong with this picture? LOL... To bad we just couldn't go out and make a night of it!<P>Jill

So where's a midway point we can meet????<P>-L<BR>

HEY CRAZY, WHAT AM I CHOPPED LIVER?<P> Not the best looking crayon in the box but certainly not the worst.

Hi Ceecee!<P>It's me again. The reason that I am able to open up to you guys here so easily is that none of you guys know anything about me other than the things I share with you. You don't know anything about my life.<P>And after I tell you all of my juicy little secrets tonight, I don't have to see you tomorrow morning. And when this crisis is over in my life and I am able to move on, you will not be constantly reminding me daily of the bad times. I do not have to feel so ashamed of what my husband has done and when I am ready to forget - I can.<P>When I am around the few people that I have shared this with, I am always feeling as if they know that I don't have a real marriage. And no matter how far this all is behind me, it will always be at the front of their minds. No matter how good my marriage ever gets, They will always remember when there was no marriage at all.<P>Love, Liza

HI Medic! chopped liver? Nah...here, I will share my brandy with ya. It is nice and smooth. A great way to spend friday night too. Yep, I am in a good mood but not just because of the brandy. It is because I feel peaceful, feel happy with myself and my choices.

You guys make me laugh. It feels good to. Crazy and Lostva- I'm in Omaha. If we drive really fast, maybe we can make it before the bars close.<BR>Crazy- Did he come over tonight? I've been worried about you. H came by tonight and got his things. Bummed for a little while, but hey, now I have the closet to myself. Yippee.<BR>

This is so bizzare. Here we all are in front of our PCs on a Friday night. What is the rest of the world doing? I know for me, this place provides enormous help for me (and there's alot of junk out at other sites) So I thank all of you for your openness and willing to share. You are all helping me more than you will know.

Come on Medic and everybody else - you can join us. Let's see....Nebraska, Minnesota and Virginia.Really, REALLY fast, ceecee. Maybe I'll check the frig instead!!!!<P>Lori

Sorry medic I hadn't relized you posted when I wrote that! Sure come along!

If you don't mind, I'd like to add my two cents worth. I think the reason that we can open up here, is because we are not afraid of being embarrassed. I can only speak for myself, but every sign was staring me in the face, and I chose to ignore them. The one time that I called my Mother to ask her if she thought my husband was cheating, she laughed, and told me that he was not "the type." My dad was an expert cheater the entire time they were married, so I assumed Mom would know how to spot one pretty quickly. When I finally had what I considered "concrete" proof, I again told my Mom, and she told me that it was water under the bridge, and to just let it go. After all, she told me, when Dad would come back to her after his affairs, she can't remember it ever bothering her. She just got on with her life, until the next woman came along. Another sage piece of advice from Mom, not only was my H not the type, he was also a great guy, who brings me flowers, and takes me out to dinner. What more can I ask for? I have confided in a few close family members, and they either tell me to leave the bum, or give me that pitiful look, which I interpret as meaning, you poor, pathetic woman, how could you be so stupid? Stupid? NO. Trusting? YES. Unfortunately, over the years, I have been guilty of giving the same look to others I knew, and probably a little bit of smugness. After all, my husband would never do that to me, and if he did, I would know immediately. Yeah! Right!<P>------------------<BR><P><BR>

Why Me-<BR>I know how you feel. When I told me parents about my h affair, it blew them away. Him- no way. I should have seen it coming to, he did it before with his other wives. But, I like you, trusted him and that could never happen to me. I was wrong too. Don;t beat yourself up over this. He was the one that chose this, it had nothing to do with you. Believe me. As much as they want to blame us, it was their decision, their actions, their problem. We may have added to their losing interest in us, but we didn't have an affair. I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I'm here for you, if you need to talk.<BR>cc