I know how you feel, you just want some "closure" to all of this (if that's possible). I was thinking of talking to the OW last week, but fortunately she wasn't at her usual hangout where I was going to see her. In retrospect I'm glad I didn't.<BR>What are you going to say? Have you gone over it in your head? I think the OW probably has a pretty good idea already of what she has done to you and your family - but she doesn't care as keystone said. She IS selfish. I also doubt if she would dignify you with telling you what you want to hear regarding her job and future plans. Maybe silence is golden - who knows.....But if you do confront her - be sure to be confident, positive, upbeat, HAPPY, very sure of yourself and your relationship with h. For eg. saying "As you know, my h. and I are working this out" would be better than "We are trying to work this out". Also "I know you respect h's decision and will continue to respect him and give us space." would be a good way to find out indirectly where she is coming from. I dont know - these are only suggestions. Just don't let her upset you - that's what she wants to do - and it will only make you look like a b**** to your h. - one more score in her direction!!<BR>Anyways, I would think long and hard and have a plan before you do anything.

Or, how's this...<P>Hold you head up, maintain your dignity, and don't let the OP know what you thoughts are. Don't given the OP that satisfaction. Remember, if YOUR marriage is in trouble, their relationship will probably be stronger! Let the OP twist a while, wondering what you think -- a little reverse psychology. <P>Maybe by being stronger than the OP, you can still tell them (creatively speaking) to "Kiss my A**"!<P>Just a (slightly twisted) thought...<P>--keystone

Keystone - I know you and many others are of the opinion that confronting the op is a major LB. That and the fact H freaked when I told him I needed to speak to her has stopped me so far. However, a couple of weeks ago he said any impediments on his part are removed, but I will have to live with the consequences. Ow is married and I have thought about speaking to her H, but more as a second chance if I don't get what I want by talking to her. I agree that her H would understand much better the pain it is causing and understand why I don't want them to work together. I'll check out Zip's thread on this one.<BR>I agree with you that the ow doesn't give a rats [censored] about all the nights I've had to hold my daughter while she cries herself to sleep and the confusion it has caused for her. Ow is selfish and it would probably not do any good to tell her, but what is the harm? So far I've taken the high road and maintained my dignity.<P>tmdm - H thinks I won't get any response that I want to hear if I speak with Ow. I have played it over and over in my mind and know I could easily lose control when its so important to maintain my dignity. I haven't acted hastily so far and plan to write out every scenario I can think of before I do it.<BR>Thanks for your suggestions - they were helpful.<P> Simone

That would be my other suggestion as well - and probably what I will do when I do eventually see her. This was the advice of one of my close friends - when I see the OW at the company party to Dance Close, Smile Lots, and Be Seen Leaving Early Together....upstairs to the hotel suite ..... hmmmmm sounds like a plan!!!

In case your wondering, I was responding to Keystone's silent treatment.

I too wanted to know details. The day after my H revealed his affair I had a long list of questions I wanted answered. After he answered about 5 of them I stopped asking. It hurt too bad. Just like the rest of us it hurt terribly to hear that he loves me, but is "in love" with her. I realized that these answers didn't change anything or help any thing. I still sometimes obsess about the details, but I just get busy to keep my mind off of it.<BR>Just knowing some of the basic facts was all I really needed to make the craziness go away. Once I realized that he was having an affair the crazy behavior made sense. In that way I felt better, but the details really don't help out at all.