H has moved back in after a month of a not so successful Plan B. We never fully separated as he had access to the house & came out almost every day while I was at work "to work on house", along with checking up on me, doing my laundry, leaving me notes detailing everything he did, etc.<P>He started on anti-deps two weeks ago, & I have been very worried about him, as he has all the symptoms of a severe depression. He finally admitted to me that he was feeling so badly before starting on the medication that he was a hazard to himself.<P>So, now it's back to Plan A. What I'm trying to gauge is, are we making any progress? Here are a few things that have happened lately. Can anyone tell me if they think these are good signs, bad signs, or mean nothing?<P>- H's opinion of me has swung 180 degrees. I have gone from being bitter (his words) to a candidate for sainthood. He says I have been the perfect wife, & that I do not make mistakes. Of course, I as much as told him B.S.!<P>- H has told me he is afraid of me stemming from what he has done to me. He will not elaborate. Said it's very complicated.<P>- H has indicated he is very remorseful, and feels extemely guilty.<P>- H is very critical of himself, & his self-esteem is at rock bottom. <P>- H gets very uncomfortable whenever I try to communicate with him at the feelings level.<P>- Yesterday, H told me he had a 'bad day', and broke down and cried.<P>- H told me the anti-deps are affecting his sex drive, therefore he won't even try to make love to me. Said his fragile ego couldn't handle a problem in that area. I fear that the problem is that he has feelings for OW.<P>- Speaking of which, he has not mentioned OW, & I have been restraining myself from bringing her up. I do beleive she is still in the picture, though.<P>- I purchased a book called "After the Affair", & H told me today that he read two more chapters in it.<P>- I have been physically affectionate with H, but he initiates affection with me rarely.<P>I have been doing my darndest to not lovebust. Sometimes, it is so hard, when you are getting so little in return. I still feel like I am living in a state of limbo. And, fear that he will not recover from his terrible state of mind. The load on me is so heavy right now.<P>I sure would appreciate some of your thoughts, my friends. Thanks for your giving spirit, along with your time.

I don't know all of your story, but this sounds like good news to me. It sounds like he really is trying. And maybe what he says about the sex/medicine thing is the truth. When I feel like that, I remember reading in one of Dr. Harley's books about not expecting too much from them at first. It's hard though, to expect little, when you need so much.

Thanks, Kimm. I'm really trying to not get my hopes up, as I have had enough dissappointment in the last four months to last a lifetime. Sometimes, I feel like I am just numb, & still in a state of shock. And, worse, I wonder if I am beating a dead horse, so to speak!