I am very confused. when I confronted my H about affair he denied it outright. I told him other people told me about it and there was his actions in our marriage that backed up what they said. I said not knowing is killing me. Once I know the truth I can go on-either way. I was really angry and he probably thought I would leave him. Maybe he was right because this wasn't the first time this happened.<P>He continued to deny having an affair. He said-"if you want to believe it you will. You have to choose not to believe it, in order to go on with the marriage." He also says he wants me to "get these ideas out of my head".<P>what do these statements sound like to you?

Well, if an affair happenned before, then why would you have any doubt that it didn't happen again? Besides, if he did have an affair before, why is it important to know that he had one again? Just curious.

The first time he had an affair, he never admitted it. I had many many signs and he always denied it.I left him but came back a little later. I thought-ok-i know he did, but for some reason he can't admit it.I thought he learned that if he were to do this<BR>then I would leave again. What I now think he learned was if I continue to deny everything emphatically she'll believe me and so he did it again.This is not a case of he cheats, apoligizes and cheats again. This is a case of he cheats, denies everything, no matter what, because I never caught him in the act, and therefore have no physical proof. Still after everything we've gone thru , all I want is him to admit that he was a problem and get help or leave me so I can go on with my life. Instead he stays with me and continues to deny everything. He is always telling me he wants to clear my head of these things...he wants to do my thinking for me.

I think you need some sort of proof that he is having an affair. Then confront him with hard evidence. He appears to be really careful and the two of you have a pattern in your marriage? If you did not deal with the affair last time, why does he think he has to deal with it now? He does not! He thinks he can just say the same things as last time, soothe your weary mind, and all will be fine. On the other hand, if he is not having an affiar, then the two of you have a trust issue that needs to be addressed to have a wonderful happy marriage. (((hugs)))