Well, last night was a wild one, that's for sure! H took my daughter to a 3 hour hunter safety course, and they went in my van, which gave me 3 hours to search his company truck for signs of an affiar. I hit redial on his cell phone, it was his boss's number. He has numerous folders in his truck, and at least 3 tablets...I found only one suspicious looking phone number, and when I called it, it turned out to be the number of a local concrete company. (Made me feel stupid! ) <P>Anyway, I have been in the middle of an "Email War" with my ex-husband about visitation and child support, and he had emailed me and said some pretty nasty things about me. When H came home and I read him one part of ex-H's letter, H kind of shook his head like he agreed with my ex. I had had just about enough, and ran to the bathroom crying. I will admit, I was in the middle of an infantile temper tantrum, scrubbing the bathroom, and talking 'to myself' loudly enough for H to hear. It wasn't a pretty sight. H came in the bathroom and took my hand and led me to our room, with a cup of coffee for me. He said "Let's talk about what has you so upset, I have never seen you behave this way." So that did it, I started telling him about the suspicions I have, about that gut feeling that tells me somethings is wrong. He held me and looked me in the eyes and promised me that he was not having an affair. He explained his actions the past few weeks, and none of them were far-fetched explanations (and believe me, I was married to the King of Far-Fetched Stories, I know what they sound like! ) Then he told me he would do anything and everything in his power to prove to me that he was not having an affair. He actually told me that I could call his boss and request a copy of his cell phone records! He said that his boss would have no problem whatsoever supplying me with that information. <P>I am feeling a little better today. For some reason, I believe my H. At least I do for the moment, and that's a start. He spend most of last night awake and talking to me (I believe it was 3am when we fell asleep in each others arms, and he had to get up at 5:30am for work). But being dead on his feet today at work didn't matter to him... <B> I </B> mattered. <P>I'll keep you all posted of any turns-of-events. Thanks to all of you for helping me remain sane these last 2 weeks. I would have gone bonkers for sure if I had not found this site.<P>Gabbie

Gabbie,<P>I know you are wondering if you are crazy or not. I am going to tell you that you aren't. <P>Maybe he isn't having an affair. I hope he's not. But, your feelings may be letting you know that there are some root problems you need to get to. Affairs are only symptoms of something else gone haywired in the relationship. <P>Keep up with your "plan A", until you have the commitment from your husband to move into basic concepts.<P>I repeat.... You are not crazy, okay?

Gabbie,<P>I have been following (but not commenting on) your other thread that outlines all the things that have made you suspect your H is having an affair. I found all of your suspicions really weak but I remained silent. After your post describing last night I offer this.<P>He is not having an affair! His response was not consistent with a guilty man. A guilty man just dismisses the accusation and you. Rather he sought you out and wanted to know why you were so distraught! You admit in your many posts that you have a trust problem and that when you did check up on him he was always where he said he would be.<P>Gabbie, I think you need to get some couseling to help you to get over this trust issue. You have been hurt before and are carrying baggage from that previous relationship. From the sounds of it your H will be more then willing to go to counseling with you. I think you need to explore this option seriously. <p>[This message has been edited by Mudder (edited November 18, 1999).]

Mudder,<P>I think that his reaction to her confrontation is consistent with a caring man, concerned about his wife, and not consistent with a guilty husband.<P>Maybe the details of Gabbie's story is similar to mine - but my husband's reaction to confrontation was nothing like Gabbie's husband's reaction. Good point.<P>Gabbie, I do think that YOU are not crazy. <P>Is there some other changes in your relationship with your husband, that is not related to infidelity? Let's look for the root of the problem, and fix that - and not get side tracked with an alleged symptom.

Thank you both very much.<P>I will answer your question "Is there some other changes in your relationship with your husband, that is not related to infidelity?"<P>Not so much a change in our relationship, and a change in our lives in general. H's father passed away on October 9th. H had spent all day with his father at his father's home the day he died. At 7:45pm, H decided that since his father seemed to be resting peacefully, he would come on home and get some sleep. H left his fathers home and was not more than 2 miles down the road towards home when his step-mother called him on the cell phone and told him that as he was pulling out of the driveway, his father had stopped breathing. H felt terribly guilty for not being there when his father took his last breath, but I tried to reassure him that his father wanted it that way..he did not want my H to see him take his final breath, therefor, he 'waited' until he knew H was gone before he gave up his fight for life. As of losing his father wasn't hard enough, H's step mother refused to take financial responsibility for the funeral, and H and I assumed that responsibility. H feels that he is 'taking away' from me and the children by having to make this additional monthly payment. I will be the first to admit, that it does strap us, however, before H made the decision to assume responsibility for the funerl we talked about it at length and I made it clear to him that we would do whatever it took to put his father to rest in the best possible manner. I do not feel, nor show resentment for this additional monthly payment, but H still feels he is 'taking away' from the me and the children. Also, for a period of 4 months earlier this year, H had custody of his daughter. He is now in the middle of a court battle where his ex-wife is suing him for child support for the 4 month period <B> he </B> had custody. Any educated person would realize that this is not a valid case, and my H should not be made to pay this amount of child support, but for some reason, the court has decided to grant this woman a hearing. It is very hard for him to deal with this, both financially and emotionally.<P>So, yes, there are some pretty drastic things going on in our lives at this point. I don't know exactly why his change in actions led me to believe that he was being unfaithful...unrational fear, maybe? I just felt that on top of all of this stress, there was something nafarious going on.<P>Gabbie

Just bringing this back to the top

Gabbie, I think you are right to believe your husband. And I think that it is a good idea to work on your own trust issues, perhaps with counselling. I was so happy to hear a positive story!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

Oh Gabbie, YEAH!<P>I agree with the others on this thread who say that his actions are not consistent with someone who is guilty. <P>It sounds to me that with all the other stressors in your lives right now, custody issues, his father's death, that he may just be reacting to all of that, and that's why you're picking up wierdisms.<P>Keep talking to each other. Counseling may be a very good idea.