I know that it's been a while since I've posted, but I really haven't been in any mood for anything. <BR>My W and I went to our first session with our permanent therapist. She seemed really nice, but I don't know how much help she is going to be. My W still doesn't think what she did was have an affair. She doesn't realize that there is such a thing as an emotional affair. She thinks that if there isn't sex it isn't an affair. <BR>I just got the phone bill and what to my wondering eyes should appear, A couple of calls made to the area code of the city where OM lives. So, me being my nosey self called it and he answered. These calls were made a week ago. After she said that all contact was cut. I went balistic. She as usual denied everything. She said that she didn't call that city at all. I would really like to know who was using my calling card, calling that person, from a pay phone aruond the corner from my house, if it wasn't her. How stupid does she think I am? <BR>She supposedly has a friend in the same city where he lives and wants to visit "her" for a night. If I say no. We are at war. If I say yes, she goes and sleeps with him. I'm screwed either way.<BR>I'm now on zoloft, an anti-depressant. I just started so it really hasn't helped yet. I really need to hear some friendly voices.<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>

robilar, I am so sorry that things look so bad for you right now. Hang in there, give the meds time to work, and try to do things that you enjoy. I know that's hard at a time like this, but at least try to eat well and sleep if you can.<P>Praying for you right now,<P>LizPearl (formerly Liz Smith)<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Liz,<BR>Thank you, I can always count on you to reply. My W just told me that she wants a seperation. She wants me out. I was the faithful one. Life sucks....

{{{{{{{{{{robilar}}}}}}}}}}<P>I feel bad for you. I understand the feeling you must have had, when your W said she wants and separation. I was devistated since I didn't even know of the affair when my wife told me.<P>Try and keep your cool and not love bust.<P>Might I suggest <B>not leaving</B>. Once there is a separation it makes your job <B>much much</B> harded. In most states she can't force you out (unless there is physical abuse.) My wife could not force me out... so she left (leaving me and the three kids.)<P>Big time open discussions are in order... and love busting is just so easy... but.. don't do it. <P>You can't stop her from going on this trip... My wife made the exact same kind of trip in April... but of course it was only for the OM. This s**ks the biggest!<P>Give as much Plan A attention/affection/etc. as you can... I think you know how not to be a door mat though.<P>It could be a long road for you... or a quick resolution... I don't think anyone can tell you... but your W!<P>I hope all works out for you!<P>Jim

I'm labeling this another UGGGHHH thread.<P>Okay, do we do 2 x 4 therapy on women? <P>Why the lies? Is she that messed up that she has to deny what is in black and white? Very confused? Yup, confused woman. No, she doesn't think you are that stupid, I'm sure. She knows she is a liar, and she wants to blame her sins on you. That isn't right, and you know it. You have every right to be angry about her lies. <P>And are you even angry because she can't even care enough to think of a better lie than that? I would be. <P>No, you can't really stop her - but.... If she is asking for your permission to sleep at her "girl" friends, then don't give it to her! Don't compromise what you believe is right. But, also realize - that you don't control her.<P>By the way, why did you say this new therapist is your "permanent" one? I didn't understand that one. <P>She probably can't help much if one of you is lying, but she can help create a safe environment for communication. <P>Hang on, okay? The road is windy, but it leads somewhere. Trust the process.<P>TNT

Thanks Jim,<BR>I'm really not in any condition to talk now. I can't think about anything other than how everything is f'd up. Stop the world I want to get off. This is not the ride I wanted.

Hey TNT,<BR>Sorry I didn't see your reply. The permanent therapist thing means that we had to go through a screening process to see if we really needed therapy (duh). Our next visit is Sat. Can't wait for that.

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Having been in your W's shoes all I can say is that she isn't in her right mind right now. She wants to be separated because she wants to "test the water" with the OM, but I bet you know that already, huh?<P>An emotional affair is still an affair. She needs to pull her head out and begin looking at herself - and at the pain she's causing you here. She probably still loves you, or wouldn't bother lying... unless she's mentally believing that she's right, which I guess is a possibility. Hopefully the therapy will help her to see the truth of this thing. <P>I am very, very sorry for your pain. Life, as you said, does indeed suck sometimes...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P>

My prayers go out to you! You have a very long road ahead and right now you are quite overwhelmed!! Come here for support. Plan A her to death. As a betrayer my ex-h did try Plan A (although he didn't know at that tiem)but I was so out of my mind I couldn't see it. Unfortunately for me 2 years later I see it!! She is going to go through many moods with you but I think since you are in counseling that is a huge step! Major step! Keep it up!! (((hugs)))