I have been married for 9 years and have two kids. My problem is that my husband is accusing of being unfaithful to him and I'm not. Its got to the point where he is making me feel guilty for something I haven't done. He tries to read into things like the time i took my ring off (b/c my finger was swollen) he thought it meant I wasn't happy - of course he didn't ask me he just came up with all the assumptions which led him to believe I was cheating on him! I am getting so sick of it I don't know what to do now.I sometimes feel like maybe I should just sleep with someone since I am being accused of it! Does anybody have any advice! It has made me so angry and hurt me so much, I sometimes want to just end the relationship.

I guess by the fact that you are here that the marriage isn't going very well, but have you tried to focus on what may be missing in it. Sometimes people feel like they are being cheated on because things that used to happen stop happening. Are you meeting his emotional needs. Focus on what is important in your marriage, not only what you find important but what he finds important.

Dear fed up,<P>Please read everthing on this site related to emotional need and love busters. I think you husband is telling you about his emotional needs in a very destructive way. After you have read this stuff share it with him. Tell him that you love him and that there must be something that he needs that you are unaware of that has raised his suspicions. Ask him to help to identify his emotional needs so that you can meet them for him. If this is met with more suspicion you both may need to get some counseling to find out the root of his concerns. <BR>

In recovery after an affair it is recommend that a <B>good</B> amount of time should be spent <B>together</B>!<P>For him to know you are not cheating have him contact you at arbitrary times during the day... and then you contact him at other times... ("just to let you know I love you")... spend as much of your free time with him... take him with you on your errands... go with him on his errands..or just spend more time with him and the kids...<P>Make it clear to him that you have <B>no</B> free time to fool around. If he suspects someone.. both of you go and clear up the misunderstanding ASAP.<P>Let him know the marriage is very important to you... <B>how</B> inportant it really is. <P>If he's starting to get too obsessive about it... counseling is in order.<P>I don't know how religious you are... but..<BR>if my W ever comes back to me...<BR>we are going to pray to God (verbally) for marriage to grow... <B>every day</B>... <BR>Maybe something like this can help your marriage too... <P>Jim

my H let his best friend live with us for several months right after we got married. we ended up talking too much (H worked a lot), and H assumed i was having sex with the guy, and used that as an excuse to start an affair with a coworker.<BR>is there anything suspiscious your H is doing? is HE just guilty?<BR>I would have given anything to have had my H say something to me about how he thought i was having an affair, then i could have done something to correct his ideas and improve our marriage. instead, he just waited till long after he had been with her to mention anything to me, and now he still brings it up constantly, and i feel just like you do.<BR>there is something missing in your marriage, or your H would not accuse you of this. my advice is to fix it NOW.<BR>good luck!<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>

I agree with lWb. In looking back on my H's affair, in the early stages of it, he started accusing ME of having an affair. I did not know HE was in an affair the entire time he kept accusing me. <P>This is called "projection". The betrayer projects his/her own behavior (the affair) on the S as a way to alleviate his/her guilt.<P>You might consider paying more attention to his words and actions as you seek the truth. Also, the other advice you were given about assessing your relationship with H and figuring out if you are or aren't meeting his emotional needs is also good advice.<P>Good Luck,<P>Roll Me Away

This is kind of interesting. My wife asked me if I was in love with a couple different women before her affair supposedly started. She also asked me if I had purchased condoms before I left for a trip out of the country for 12 days. These questions took me by surprise at the time but it must have been the same thing. She was thinking about an affair and projected those feelings on to me. Even after her affair, while she was dealing with withdrawal, etc. she asked me occasionally if I was in love with someone else. <P>I don't want to point fingers but maybe there is something going on with your husband and someone else. <P>Are there other things you may be doing that may lead him to believe you don't love him? Do you pay more attention to friends than him? How do you treat him?<P>As others said, read things on this web site, read some books, talk to each other, listen to each other, get counseling, and spend time together.<P>I wish you the best of luck in figuring this out. <P>- TCL

RED FLAGS!!!!! RED FLAGS!!!!!!<BR>Don't do anything rash. It spelled the end of my marriage with me. My H was acting the same way.. making accusations.. convinced that I was unfaithful.. until I was so hurt by his lack of trust in me that I did cheat on him. Of course there were other factors in my infidelity but as soon as I cheated, I regretted it and unfortunately, H found out and carried on an affair for 9 of the 12 months we were actually married. Everything that was of a negative nature (fighting, violence, abuse) escalated during those 9 months that he was cheating on me. My advice, don't do it. Tell your H how much it hurts that he doesn't trust you, that he doesn't have anything to worry about and if you wouldn't have married him nor devoted so much time to him if he wasn't the only true one for you. He may just be insecure -or- he may actually BE cheating. Don't lose faith. Work on it until things get better..they will if the two of you love each other. And if they don't. Well, life has much to offer you.

Hate to say this, but after reading everyone's posts and thinking about it, I wonder if it's just possible that your H is using these accusations as a smoke-screen for his own affair. Sorry if this is out of line, but I think you should at least consider this possiblity and look into it. He may be accusing you of the very thing he's doing himself! (Betrayers have been known to do this!) Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Maybe he's saying that because he read your "I'm wanting to stray" post you did back in July so he thinks you've done what you were thinking of doing...or maybe you have another emotional affair going on like you once did.<P>What do you think, fed up? Why is he saying that?