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Hmmmmmmm<P>I'm not sure how to take that, Becca.

Hi Becca - welcome. I am glad you found this mb. I wish i had found it earlier than I did as I am one of those people who cannot tell anyone what has happened, other than my therapist. I read your profile. How long ago did your H's affair end? Is the ow still around - at work or otherwise?<BR>All of the things you are experiencing are normal - you are not going nuts. As hard as it is to not dwell on the affair, try to focus on how fortunate you are that your husband has chosen you and chosen to work on your marriage. Read some of the Harley concepts to examine how you could improve your marriage and fix those things that made it vulnerable to an affair. All of this is much easier said than done. I certainly have not always been successful at heading this advice. Its a long painful process with a lot of detours. Right now H and I have taken a major detour in our recovery and I am scared. You said you and h have done a lot of talking about what happened. That is good. We made the mistake of not talking about what happened early on and now all the questions I have are raising their ugly head at a time when h thinks his affair was a million years ago and I still feel it was yesterday. Let me know more about your situation. I think you will find lots of good advice and support here. Focus on the good stuff--sounds like your H really loves you.<BR> Simone

THANKS FOR THE REPLIES!IT WAS NICE TO HAVE SOME IN PUT. SIMONE- I FELT THE SAME WAY AS YOU ABOUT THE QUESTIONS FILLING YOUR MINE.I ASKED THEM AND HE ANSWERED THEM. TO MAKE THINGS WORST HIS NEPHEW AND I USED TO TALK -TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER.BUT IT TURN UGLY. HE WOULD CHECK WITH ME TO SEE WHERE H WAS AT SUCH AND SUCH TIME,ETC. AND TELL ME WHAT 'SHE' SAID ABOUT THE AFFAIR AND DID H SAY THE SAME THING.IT WAS LIKE WE WERE TRING TO MAKE THE OTHER SPOUSE SEEM MORE EVIL. IT WASN'T TO HURT EACH OTHER BUT WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO STAY MARRIED TO SUCH A HORRIABLE PERSON? "MINE WAS LESS GUILTY" TALKS ENDED . I MISS HIM ,KNOWN HIM LONGER THAN H ,I WAS THEIR FIRST BORNS GODMOTHER.THE FAMILY OCCATIONS ARE STRESSFUL.WE HAVE TO FIND OUT THOUGH THE GRAPE VINE IF THEY ARE GOING TO ATTEND.I KNOW MORE DETIALS THAN MOST. IT HURT A LOT AND EXPLAINED WHY HIS BEHAVIOR CHANGED SO MUCH LAST WINTER. I COULD LOOK BACK IN MY JOURNAL AND SEE WHY I HAD FELT SO WORRIED ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.KNOWING ALSO MAKES ME MORE ANGRY AT HER! SHE WAS MY FRIEND.ASK QUESTIONS. JUST LET HIM KNOW HE NEEDS TO STOP AS SOON AS YOU SAY IF IT GETS TOO PAINFUL. SOMEONE ELSE IN THE FORUM MENTIONED THE BOOK 'AFTER THE AFFAIR' IT WAS OUR WORK BOOK.HELP HIM SEE HOW IT HAS TORN ME APART. THE ANSWERS RUN THROUGH Y MINE AND I HAVE TO CUT THEM OUT OR THE ANGER SPILLS OUT-IT'S ALWAYS THEIR WAITING.TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF.