SORRY ABOUT THE LAST TOPIC!MY SON WAS PLAYING. I'M HERE BECAUSE I'M ALONE AND CONFUSED. MY SPOUSE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HIS NEPHEWS' WIFE(WHICH WE WERE VERY CLOSE TO).I FOUND OUT 7MTHS. AGO AND THE AFFAIR LASTED 18MTHS.IT NEARLY DISTROYED ME. I FELT LIKE POOH AND TOTALLY LOST IN A LIFE I THOUGHT I HAD AND A RELATIONSHIP THAT LASTED 12YRS. HE CHOOSE TO STAY.I THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER TO TRY NOW THAN TO SEPERATE AND REGRET IT. WE TALKED ALOT AND DID THE COUNSELING. HE TURNED OUT TO BE THE PREFECT EX-CHEATER.IT WAS GOOD BUT IRRITATING BECAUSE HIS PERSONALITY IS A "NICE , ROMANTIC ,CARING"PERSON ; YET HE WAS ABLE TO THROW ME AWAY!NOW I'M AT A PLACE WHERE I AM WAITING FOR THE LIGHT TO GO ON AND I WILL KNOW IF THIS IS RIGHT.DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WEARING THE WEDDING RING OR ALL THE OTHER MARRIAGE STUFF(ACTUALLY MAKES ME SICK) DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE HIM.WE HAVE A CHILD AND ACT AS A FAMILY BUT IT'S LIKE WE ARE STARTING ALL OVER. WE ARE NOT MARRIED IN A SENSE.HOW CAN I FEEL MARRIED WHEN HE BROKE THE VOWS I HELD SO DEAR? WILL I EVER FEEL MARRIED? PLEASE HELP ME ,I HAVE NOONE WHO TRUELY UNDERSTANDS.

Becca: First "hello!" How long ago was the affair? I mean did it end 7 mos. ago? If so, the wounds are still fresh in your heart. There are those who are still struggling with affairs that happened years ago. Alot will depend on you. I am on the otherside of the coin. I am the betrayer and I am waiting on my spouse to get over the hurt I caused. It's been alittle over 2 years ago, but the pain is still there for him especially around the holidays. I know it will take time for him to get over this if at all, but I am willing to wait. I also know that our marriage will never be the same, but hopefully with what we've learned it will be better. Who knows! I have got to hope. That's all I have right now. Keep in mind, that your pain will not go away over night, but it will be up to you as to whether or not you want to carry it for the rest of your life. My love and prayers to you.