I just read a post on another board from an OW "success story" - it said although the MM had had some trouble with the kids, etc., he had moved in with her about 7 months ago, his divorce was final last month, and they were so happy. The line that really galled me was that she was apparently so happy that he had put everything on the line in order to be happy and be with the woman he loved. Yeah, everything including his children and wife. So she was happy that he had destroyed the lives of his children so he could be happy? How can they be so blind to the selfishness?<P>I hope so much that someone with experience will respond to her post and remind her that her "story" is far from over, and one month post-divorce is far too early to declare it a success.

Nellie, have you looked into counseling yet? <P>I really strongly urge you to do so. Your pain just SCREAMS off the page, and there's a limit to what we can do to help you.<P>Your situation sucks, royally, but I think you need to start focusing on Nellie and what's good for Nellie.<P>And stay off those OW boards!!! Why are you torturing yourself?

Nellie, please do not reason why....there are no satisfactory answers. No matter what you would have done, i do not think that you could have changed anything about this mess.<P>Please get some help....my anger consumed me until I nearly drowned, but once I stopped waiting for him to "be the man he once was" in terms of everything, I felt enpowered, still angry but I stopped trying to understand because this only made me so much more angry...you need to focus on the here and now, not the what if. Yes I am still hurt, angry, but not obsessed...my kids are still troubled by all this especially when new dramas are thrown at them from him, quite innocently from his point of view and I have to clean thiem up, but do not dwell on the negatives and the what ifs. Maybe he will wake up and maybe not, and then it will be your, not his decision. <BR>Please please do not allow his behaviour to destroy you. It nearly happened to me, but eventually I realized life is too short to wait ti out indefinately. Not that you need to do anything else...I am talking about emotion, not action.<P>The OW needs to realize that she cannot make your H whole again and the responsibilities of "real life " will weigh on him eventually and again he will probably run away (physically or emotionally)

Dazed and Confused, willbok,<BR>I am a little confused by your responses.<BR>Although obviously I am sensitive to this issue because of what has happened to my family, this wasn't about my H. This was just a generic vent, about something I happened to run across while reading posts on another board that has far more posts by the betrayed and regretful betrayers than it does by betrayers like the one described. <P>I also get especially angry when I read about H's leaving their wives when they are pregnant, yet that is totally unrelated to my situation.<P>

Nellie,<BR>What I meant is do not even try to figure out the generic selfishness. It just does not make sense how many people can selfishly throw so much away for their own "personal happiness", but that is no longer my focus and cannot be if i am to remain sane, and thisa is what i was trying to express to you. <P>If OW in general believe that they are the winners of H, IMO they have not yet understood that if a long standing marriage with children can be discarded easily, what makes them believe that their relationship can indeed survive? Short term gain does not mean it will be easy sailing for them. They do not have the magic of erasing the "daily grind" for ever and eventually something else will intefere with this "happiness' that is described<P>