Thanks to those of you who offered your points of view. Now I know that I'm not crazy and that I will live thru this. I've got a lot of friends to listen to me, but know one really knows what it's been like walking in my shoes. I want so much to be able to take back my life and not allow the fact that my man cheated w/the 1 person who would've hurt the most (his ex wife),consume my emotions and my happiness. What I held the most resentment to was that "I" didn't do anything, HE cheated on me, why did I have to pay for it? Why was I the one who sat and cried for days? Why did I have to accept her as a part of his life (the child) when it was THEIR affair that did the damage to our relationship. I was the one who had to suck it all up and go on, & and it wasn't fair. I know he deeply regretted his actions. But he wasn't the one who got his heart ripped from his chest. I'm thru pitying myself and wondering why. To get my life back and my security and self-esteem, I can't let her just walk in and take it. I pray for her now, and I'm feeling less & less of that despite feeling. I realize we will never be friends,(I didn't say I wasn't completely over the despite thing!!!!) but I want control back. I am refusing to let her come in and take what God sent me(him)& and destroy my spirit at the same time!! Again, you are a special group of people and just the words of encouragement have let me know that it's up to me to decide what I feel...THANK YOU!!!!!!