I have been concerned with how I was going to handle the holidays, when it hit me in a flash. He wasn't going to be with his family either for the holidays. Was being with her and hers going to keep him from being depressed? This is a man who in 50 years has spent the holidays with his family his parents. We even went home for Christmas when our daughter was only a week old! I guess what I am asking is if you were away from your family on the holidays and with the OW how did you feel, did it bother you? Or were you to far in fantasy to realize what was happening? I guess this is more then one question. I am wondering if the holidays could be his wake up call. I know I said I wouldn't do this any more that I was goind to get on with my life but I am just curious. The thought just came out of the blue so I thought I would ask. Thanks <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Back to the top. Are there male betrayers here? Please answer.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi, SDS: I am not a male, nor am I a betrayer, but wanted to respond to your question anyway. I don't mean to put a damper on things, but when you think about what your husband has already given up, I don't think the holidays will make much of a difference to him.<P>I read your profile. Married 27 years, two children, two grandchildren. Most would not have been able to turn their back on their family, but for whatever reason, he seemed to have no problem doing so.<P>The most you can do is enjoy your Christmas with those most dear to you, and hope the OW maxes out his credit cards. You never know. They say that Christmas is a time for miracles. <P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

SDS,<P>I'm a male betrayer, but I never actually left my wife and son, so I cannot answer your question directly. The only thing I can do is think what I <B>might've</B> done.<P>I'm sure I would've regretted not being able to see my family during the holidays... Would it have been enough to do something about it? Probably not. I think I would've rationalized it by thinking that I could mend fences later and then be able to spend the holidays with my family in later years. My thinking would've gone something like "Surely once they get to know OW they'll see her for the sweet person I know, and they'll accept her." or something like that anyway...<P>--andy

Thanks for your comments. All the family has told him she will never set foot in their homes. He can come but not with her. He has cut himself off completely. I guess what I was wondering was would the holidays make him miss any of us or is he in so far in LaLa land that he will be happy to be with her and won't give anyone else another thought.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Diana,<P>I fear he is in the throes of major denial. By the fact he has cut himslef off from his children, grandchildren and other family, shows he knows this relationship can only exist "insulated" and "separated" from the real world. If he believed otherwise, wouldn't you think he would be so proud to take this "wonderful" woman around to meet all the other important people in his life??? Does he REALLY expect to NEVER see his children and grandchildren again????<P>In a way, I think that by separating themselves from the family, and "shielding" the family from the OW, it speaks volumes - this is NOT what is destined to be for the long haul. I can't say he will come back, but I would put money on it that this woman is NOT going to make it with him long-term.<P>Desiree

I haven't posted here in months, but I just stopped by to see how everyone was doing. I can answer your question since I lived with the ow for 3 years and celebrated holidays with her during that time.<P>Holidays were horrible. She and I felt extremely uncomfortable. I kept thinking about my family, what they were doing and where they were. Were they thinking about me, and why was I not with them? Holidays were very depressing and they made me want to end the affair and go home, but I didn't.<P>Hope that answers your question.

freedom,<P>So what you made you end the 3 year affair and did you go back to your wife?<P>Roll Me Away

Freedom, Why didn't you go back if you really wanted to and what made you change your mind.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

bringing this back up -<P>Freedom, are you there?<P>RMA