I thought for a while I was seeing some guilt in my H, but that changed overnight. He is starting to push the OW on my kids and we've only been divorced 2 mos. The affair has only been going on for 6. He told me a whopper tonight, said he had never committed adultery because he didn't sleep with her until after the divorce. BS!!!!! I can't believe he thinks I would swallow that. Do these OW get such a strong hold on me that they don't realize what they're doing? How long does it take for some major guilt to show up? Not until after the affair ends?<P>AD

AD,<P>I think that the guilt is there from the beginning, they just push it aside. They could never continue living these dishonorable lives, unless they found a way to rationalize their actions.<P>The "I didn't really commit adultery", line is a classic! They must all go to the same school and learn these lines! It's sad that he still cannot deal with what he did.<P>It took my xH almost a year before he "suddenly" started to acknowledge any failings toward our son. And, it was just this summer after 2 1/2 years of divorce, that he started to deal with his unresolved issues with our relationship. He actually, almost reluctantly married the OW. But, literally backed out at the last minute, because of his unresolved feelings for me. <P>The newness of the affair has to die down, and that supposedly takes from 18 months to 2 years. The longer he is with her, and doesn't marry her...the less likely it is, that he ever will.<P>The guilt WILL catch-up with him. He wouldn't be lying to you now, IF he weren't so guilty. It's his guilt that creates the need to lie. <P>But, it takes longer than you'd want it to, but you can be assured, that he WILL wake-up to it eventually.<P>There's nothing you can do to hurry it along though. So try and just trust in the process.<P>Good luck.<P>~skye