I do not know what to do? My husband recently found out that he is the father of a 4 month old baby. He had an one night stand over a year ago and the baby is now the result. I do not know if I should leave and let him be a father or what. I know I cannot take having a child in my house that is now mine and his. I am so devestated. I gave him an ultimatum, either he stays with me and forget about the child or take care of the child and leave me. He is agonizing about it. I believe that he will choose the child over me. I am praying about it and asking for divine intervention. I feel like a fool. I need help or at least some advice. I cannot tell any of my friends or family just yet so right now i am all alone.

My heart goes out to you! First he needs to be sure the child is his and request a paternity test. Second if he is the father than we will be financially responsible for raising this child. However he is not required to be emotionally responsible. To some that sounds cruel. But if this woman every remarries or if she is able to raise the child by herself it might be best since there is no relationship between her and your H. I have a good friend whose husband fathered a child through a one-night stand. They did two paternity tests....both positive. He pays the child support but has no contact. The child was recently taken away from the mother and now is in foster care. He is requesting the child be put up for adoption. I really feel sooo sorry for this child. I agree that your husband needs to make a decision. He should not raise this child out of guilt!

boldware,<P>I am so sorry that you have had to come here. You are not alone. There are a few others here, including me, that are in this same situation. Bikermom is right that your H will be financially responsible to this child but does not have to be emotionally involved. The first thing to do is the paternity test. I know how devastating it is to find out that your H has a child by someone else. This has been a very difficult year for me. It does get easier over time. <P>Take care,<BR>Audrey

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Boldware-I have to agree that your ultimatum in unrealistic. I would not do that with my H anymore than I could give up a child of my own blood, I couldn't expect him to do the same. It is NOT the child's fault for his/her birth, and they may need the stability of your H in their life as well. Put yourself, as hard as that is, in the position of the child and think, if it was YOUR child, how would you want to move? <BR>I agree, he could just pay the support and let go if he desired. But if he really cares about this child then you need to work things out with him some way and find it within yourself to deal with this. Unless you truly want him gone........Either way, I feel for you in this position, God Bless You! <P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

boldware,<BR>I know you are feeling devastated right now. I sent through this last year. May angels surround you in white light at this difficult time.<P>I have seen two cases on this board of this where the couple has no children of their own. One divorced and one did not. Much depends on your H and youself. The others are right: your H will be financially liable if testing proves him to be the father. Emotional involvement in optional and must be AGREED upon in the marriage or it will cause no end of strife. Some couple fight about this issue for years. <P>We are here for you. (It was a year before I told others in my life.)