<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Lisanne (edited August 10, 2000).]

Okay...congrats on recognizing your own mistakes as part of the problem, and for the willingness to correct them.<P>Now don't go duck your head in the sand. IMHO, you need to know what's been going on. No access to H's work computer without him being there? Why not simply go to his office sometime, unannounced, and ask him if he minds showing you his e-mail. (whoo-ey, am I a troublemaker or WHAT??? lol) Surely a respectful and caring attitude would be responded to in kind....by showing you his e-mail to alleviate any worry on your part.<P>

Welcome to this forum...<P>You have found the best place to address issue of possible and/or actual infidelity.<P>BTW... I and my Wife(W) are Catholic too. <P>First of all without knowing alot of the background it is hard to make alot of recommendations... but...<P>First and foremost... you've got to get both of you to agree to as close to 'total' honesty as possible...<BR>If he has started an affair already... you've lost... but just for a while. If he hasn't, he may be more willing to address both your and his needs respectfully.<P>In any and all cases... you need to do <B>NO</B> love busting! It looks from your post you've been looking around here a bit... but anyway that means... NO yelling, screaming, accusing, abusing, belittling or anything of the sort. You don't want to push him into the arms of a waiting (or at least existing) lover.<P>I'll make additional recommendations...<BR>you may have already done some of these...<P>1. get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley... read it read it read it! If at all possible (assuming he is willing) get a copy for him too... and work on it together. There are many other books to get from the "bookstore" and many other recommendations that will be made by MarriageBuilder (MB) posters.<P>2. Read Everthing on this site. Most inportant are the "concepts" <B>AND</B> "Plan A / Plan B" (left side of Home Page)... You should be starting Plan A <B>immediately</B>!<P>3. Vent (if it goes bad tonight or later)... cry... complain...<BR>Everyone here has been through something <B>very similiar</B> if not identical to what you have. <B>You are not alone!</B><P>4. Post... Post... Post...<BR> Ask... Ask... Ask...<BR>There is a wealth of information and suggestions here from <B>so</B> many people. Take advantage of us... for us to help others is also healing us.<P>5. Pray. I will for you... Others will also. We'll pray for you and your whole family... especially for the building/rebuilding of your marriage.<P>Prayers to you... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 19, 1999).]

Lisanne,<P>I thought I would throw my $0.02 into this. Since you think appearance and sex to be "superficial and meaningless", there will be a strong temptation on your part to critize your H for entering what appear to be porn sites. However, as you state his access to the computers is somewhat limited which would mean that at best this is may be more a curiosity thing. Men do find sex interesting and pictures of women interesting. <P>If you want honesty in your relationship, pick you battles carefully. The porn sites is not an issue to break up a marriage over if it is a curiosity type of things, although with your stated views you may think so. Further, if there is an internet affair going don't confuse issues. Address that issue. Finally, if you want the honest answers to questions be ready to accept the answers and not blow up. IF you do that, it will be that last time H answers you honestly. <P>It would seem that he is already very gun shy about talking to you now about these issues. If he cannot trust you to accept his answers as his answers and not blow up you may find your marriage in more trouble than it MAY be in now. <P>He has already come to the conclusion that he is simply the House Pet in your view and as several have already said it may not take much to push him out the door.<P>Please read the information people here have suggested. Talk with H in a non-confrontational manner and you may avoid some more serious problems and obtain a much healther marriage.<P>God Bless You and Your Family