Read this in a book "When your lover is a liar". Totally expressed how I felt and sometimes still do.<BR>I'm grieving the loss of what I thought I could always be sure of--that I had a husband I could trust and who loved me and would be faithful to me.<BR>I'm grieving the loss of my cofidence in my desirability and attractiveness.<BR>I'm grieving the loss of a very special man who is not who I thought he was. I miss him, and I can never get him back.<BR>I'm grieving the loss of the clean, safe love I thought I had. That's tarnished now.<BR>I'm grieving the loss of a certian kind of innocence. Not a child's innocence, but an innocence about "it can't happen to me". It can and it did.<BR>I'm grieving the loss of the relationship I had, but holding onto the hope that a new one will take its place. I will work very hard to help that happen.<P>My H and I have been together since I was 16 yrs. old. My first for everything for the past 12yrs.( love, first house, child,etc.) Friends have said we are the reason they still believe in lasting love and marriage. Luckly for him I don't believe in throwing marriage away when there may be hope - too bad he didn't CHOOSE to think of the losses before. <P>BECCA<BR>

Becca, sure can share those feelings of loss you outlined. In my case, my H has moved out, so I also feel the loss of him here physically - companionship, friendship, and SEX!<P>Have you been able to work through some of your loss issues?<P>Roll Me Away

I also share all those exact same feelings <BR>you are going through and yes, too bad they<BR>didn't CHOOSE to think of the losses before.<BR>I'm sorry for your pain but I was amazed when<BR>I read you are grieving the loss of your own<BR>confidence in your desirability and attractiveness. I thought I was the only one<BR>who felt like that. I have tried conveying<BR>that to my H, but I still don't think he<BR>understands this at all. He tries to get close to me sexually and I just can't. When<BR>he touches me I think of him touching OW. I<BR>don't feel safe either. When I think of what<BR>I thought I had and now what I have lost it<BR>makes me crazy. Pray and this board is all I<BR>have right now. There is no one else. And H<BR>is not really trying like he said he would.<BR>I too am looking for books, internet info,<BR>others experiences, anything to help me and<BR>keep what sanity I have left here. If it's <BR>worth it hang in there, right now I'm not sure I have anything to work on with H if he<BR>doesn't try to work on himself.

{{{{{{{{{{BECCA}}}}}}}}}}<P>I've gone through some grieving... I know I'll have more to come...<P>I'm so proud of you though...<BR>What a brave decision to take him back... and it may not seem like it to you... but it was probably more brave for him to end the affair. You probably also don't want to pat him on the back right now for it... but <B>do</B> consider yourself lucky... many of us don't have our spouses back with us... Our spouses are still with the OP.<P>Take that courage you've both exhibited... and work at loving each other... <P>It's a strange concept to say "work at it" when we were all told... "you fall into it"... But true love... love of a spouse... love of a family member... love of a job... love of God... <B>all</B> take work!<P>My prayers for the success of your work!<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Becca,<BR> DITTO, DITTO, DITTO!!!!!!!<P>I have come up with those same grief issues from within myself and I think you hit the nail directly on the head with them all. There is a website called "lossand grief.com", or it may be the reverse, but anyway it has some poems that also help express the feelings. It also offers some pamphlets you can order to process the thoughts.<P>Such a difficult situation to experience. BUT, the personal growth you experience and the strength from within is unbelievable, and I believe that will never go away. We ARE better and deeper people from here on out and can help others with all we have learned about adversity and survival. I remind myself of these things every day and that's what keeps me going.<P>Wouldn't it be wonderful to be loved by someone the way we love our husbands? I long for that if not from my home, then somewhere.....someday.........Take care.<P>--Jenn<P>------------------<BR>