OK,<P>I LOVE everybody here and I feel ELATED for those of you who have your S home, who get to see or talk to your S daily, who have a S willing to go to counseling, who have a S at least willuing to TRY to repair the marriage....<P>but....<P>I am also a wee bit jealous....<P>Sorry....<P>It is Friday night - THE night we always went to dinner together....<P>Just a tiny bit jealous....<P>Ok, maybe jealous a LOT....<P>I need to drink more wine...UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!<P>Roll me Away<BR>

Hang in there RMA!!!<P>We have been in your shoes. Give it more time and lots of prayer. Every story is different and every time line is different too. <P>Though it all, I see you growing and becoming stronger. Give each day your best.<P>I agree, where is that wine?<P>SHA

SHA,<P>Well, THANKS for the reply! If you don't get here soon, there won't be any left for you!<P>I am a really funny drunk, too....dance on tables....oh, yeah..... <P>So, I get to act like a total @ss all by myself! Oh well, no need to apologize to anybody tomorrow!<P>I am OK, just feeling a bit nostalgic and a lot lonely tonight. On the other hand, I am LUCKY to have so many folks here who CARE.<P>Just wishing.................<P>Roll Me Away

Hey RMA<P>I feel EXACTLY the same way. I used to love our Friday nights together - put the children to bed, and then have wine and a chat. I miss that so much.<P>I did my housework last night - its now Sat. am here, but I was OK about it. At least I now don't have to spend Sat. morninins doing it. I can spend time with the children. <P>I also wonder what the next 6 months holds for people in our boat - I think I'm going to have my tarot cards read !!<P>I'm in Plan B now, are you? The no contact is a killer, but I guess what will be, will be.<P>I wanted some wine last night - but I dont have the damn wine opener. He kept that (or I forgot to pack it !!!)<BR>I did take a mouthful of straight gin )didn't have any mixers) but I wont bother doing that again. !! How anyone can drink alcohol straight up, except tequila, I love that stuff, is beyond me.<P>Hope your Friday nights ends up with you feeling good.<P>Take care<P>Jo

RMA,<P>Hey... sorry you're feeling blue today. I don't have much advice, but just wanted to wish you well, since you've been kind to me before.<P>try to have a good weekend, 'kay?<BR>--andy

Desiree, Pour me a glass of wine. I just got home from work. I know how you are feeling. I understand that jealousy. I am there too. Thanks for responding to my post. I know he is in total denial. I guess I am hoping that since he always was so close to his family and alway insisted we were together that maybe just maybe it would start him thinking and waking up. I know wishful thinking. Too bad you live so far away. it sure would be a good night to go out to a movie together. My daughter and I want to see the new Jams Bond movie. I guess I can handle the new James Bond but Sean Connery was so sexy. I think I am showing my age. Have you watched Providence ? It is pretty good. It is on here at 7:00 tonight. We will just have to stick together on the weekends. Hang in there. Email me if you want to talk more.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Jo,<P>Thanks for replying. I have been doing SOOOO good and then BAM! I just got hit with the lonliness and sorry for myself. I usually do a better job of moderating that, but tonight I just can't seem to get a handle on it. I just feel like my H is trying to hurt me and "get back at me" for the EA I had 2 years ago. This man will NEVER forgive me. And, he will try to make me pay FOREVER. I can think of no other reason why he acts like he does other than he WANTS to hurt me. It is so hard - I know I hurt him and I have tried and continue to try to make amends. He just continues to try to hurt me emotionally...<P>I think I am so overwrought onight because he showed up this morning before I went to work. I just can not understand him and his behavior.... I am feeling sorry for myself....I am sorry to be such a downer....<P>Roll Me Away

Roll Me Away,<P>The way they act may just be part of the affair. My H acts like he wants to hurt me, like I have committed some unforgiveable act - but I never betrayed him, and he said I always acted like I loved him.

andy and diana,<P>Thanks for reaching out - this is really bad for me tonight - I can't seem to get a grip just yet - crying into my wine - hey, amybe I shouold think of Jesus witht he water and wine - the miracle - I have prayed for the "miracle" in the past - but, have changed my prayers to be this: "God, thy will be done and please give me the strength to go with thy will and the courage to dig deep within myself and pull out the strength you have put int here for me".... so, why do I feel like a REALLY limp dishrag right now with zero courage and zero strength and I can't seem to stop crying or waterind down perfectly good wine with these tears that chan ge nothing... I don't feel very strong right now....UGGGHHHH! <P>Diana, I am trying really hard to focu on Sean Connery, 'cause I think he is sexy, too...but then that reminds me of how long it has been since I have HAD any sex and that starts the crying all over again.....<BR>oh, this is getting pathetic fast....<P>OK, I am throwing a challenge out to everyone .....please send a joke or something to help me.....<P>new_beginning, are you here?? You always amke me laugh....I like your sense of humor...<P>Diana, I told you we were on the same wavelength - must have been twins separated at birth....<P>I think I am going over the deep end tonight... NOT suicidal, just plain NUTS.....<P>Desiree

Hey I am with you ont he sex thing I don't want to think how long. The emotional thing is normal at least for me. I will be doing fine and then BAM it hits, but each time it is longer between the bams and the bams are shorter. So there is HOPE. Weekends are the worst for me. I will check in ever so often to see how you are doing so take a deep breath and find something to do or call someone you need to talk to someone it might help. I mean chitchat so you aren't alone. I am here for you <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Nellie,<P>Thanks for the post. I feel bad for you - you didn't betray your H although he is treating you like you did. Unfortunately, I had this EA 2 years ago and he is giving it back to me PLUS SOME via his current affair...<P>This is just soooooo hard.....but I am trying to hang in there and get back to my normally more solid ground.....feels like earthquakes right now...<P>Roll Me Away

Hi RMA-<P>I guess I might qualify as one of those who you might be jealous of. I backed off Plan B and let my H move back into the house (because I am worried about his mental health). <P>Well, let me tell you, it has been a real struggle. He is still conflicted, self absorbed, standoffish, uncommunicative, depressed, & basically not much fun to be around. He is not meeting ANY of my emotional needs, and I am trying so hard to not lovebust that I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Now, after having him back for a week, he disappeared again yesterday. He left a short note saying, "He had to resolve the problem, & would return in a few days". I do not know what he plans to do, nor do I know what to think. I don't have much hope that he has the strength to do the right thing, and I fear that he might do something stupid, like try to take his life.<P>I don't know whether I am just worn down from all the stress, or if I am finally letting go, but I feel a sense of relief to have him gone.<P>I honestly don't know how much more I can take.<P>So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, having them around to talk to, etc. sometimes isn't all it's cracked up to be.<P>I know you are hurting RMA, and I am so sorry. I wish I could take all of the pain away from this bulletin board. We do not deserve this. So, please have a glass of wine for me. I wish I could join you, but I can't on account of the anti-deps I am taking.

RMA-<P>Well, since you responded to my post, you know that I am feeling the same way you are. I does suck. But, I am noticing that these 'moments' start getting fewer and further between.<BR>You are a warm and caring person. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I am sending you warm thoughts.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

sidney,<P>Well, you have a better attitude than me right now - how horrible for you!!<P>I know what you said about the eggshelss, my H had come home once for 2 1/2 weeks and it was just like you described.<P>I DO miss my Jim...I miss the "old Jim" and for sure do not even like this "new Jim" who doesn't give a damn about me. I miss a REAL relationship with somebody that I love and that loves me back... we had that and more once upon a time...<P>I miss the daily caring and loving of another person as my husband....<P>But, I think I am overwrought because I actually saw my H twice this week - in between his trips with OW - they were on vacation together, he came back to town and went to see her in FL and came back to town and dropped by here after both times...<P>I just seem to have donebetter in PLANB by not seeing him - I miss him - but then seein him brings back the love and lust...I still desire him like crazy! Go figure...<P>I am struggling to let go and then he comes around and revives all the pain and love...<P>I am ready for the emotional break I keep recommending to everyone else on this post....Everyone, please ignore these crazy ramblings...my fingers are emptying my pent up emotions and baring my soul for cleansing and healing....I am sorry to be a downer....better to be an uplifter...<BR>keep me in your thoughts and prayers...<P>Roll Me Away

RMA,<P>Honey, I'm here... but not in such a good place myself to be giving you lot's-o-laughs... I'm sorry 'bout that!!<P>I'm sorry about how you're feeling though, and if there were any way I could get there, I would... honestly.... and I REALLY MEAN THAT!!!<P>Don't get too plastered, even if you're alone. Nothin' like waking up with that hangover headache, ya know???<P>Big Hugs!! <P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!! :)<BR>~Les Brown<BR>

G rated....guaranteed to make you realize that you are better off wiothout my g jokes!! <BR>Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and<BR>sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their<BR>different fellowships.<P>After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one<BR>remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church<BR>that I want to discuss with you guys."<P>The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We<BR>can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and<BR>organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then<BR>when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up<BR>there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The<BR>kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way<BR>of a good church service."<P>The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had<BR>the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried<BR>ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a<BR>couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He<BR>throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head.<P>The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well,<BR>gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick<BR>solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on<BR>their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We got up there, got to<BR>know 'em a little bit. Pretty soon we had them come on down, got 'em<BR>baptized and part of the congregation. Haven't seen 'em since."<P>

ceecee, Thanks fo rthe warm thoughts! I feel warm allover now, but am not sure which part is from your e-thoughts or which is from all this wine I have drunk... <P>Sheryl,<BR>God, I was hoping you would be here - something about you that keeps me going, girl. You are such a SPIRITED woman - I admire a whole hell of alot about you...<P>Well, I did stop srying....but, I didn't stop drinking....this is going to hurt like the dickens in the morning!!! Well, I am not a big drinker, but tonight I could use the dutchc courage and besides, I don't need to get behind the wheel to drive myslf to the bedroom! Am I m aking any sense here????<P>cl, the bat joke is TOO cute! LOL! Thank you one and all. <P>I am very appreciative of your help. I cann't say how much longer I am going to be on-line tonight, 'cause I am getting plastered and may fall asleep on the keyboard...If I stop responding, don't worry...I'm just reading everybody else's posts with my eyes closed...<P>Roll Me Away

RMA --<P>Time to get some videotapes from Hollywood Video! Comedy, of course. Find an old one you remember liking, and a new one you've never seen. Take your mind off it if you can, since nothing's gonna change tonight. No sense in dwelling on it.<P>Hang in there. Toasting to a better day tomorrow (and the day after that!)!<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Was there a pun there about "toasting"???<P>Seriously, it is after 10 p here in Atlanta, and I have done myself in....<P>Going to sign off for the night....<P>Thank you for the warm hand of friendship.<P>Talk to everyone tomorrow after I swallow a bottle of aspirin....I know my head is gonna hurt tomorrow!<P>Roll Me Away

Another old, g rated joke.<P>Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and<BR>embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin. Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S.scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!!!"<BR>