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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 189
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Hi. Here are some things my H (living with OW for 3 months now) has said to me recently. Any suggestions as to what he might be thinking? Betrayers, please answer also!<P>"She (OW) is just not mature like you and I."<BR>"She (OW) and I are not written in the stars."<BR>"She and I are far from perfect."<P>He is basically complaining about her in a way like he is talking to a friend, looking for advice. What is his agenda?<P>Thanks.<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>
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Joined: Jul 1999
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If I were you I would just keep being the old and trusted friend. Sounds to me that he is having regrets. I think the bonds that we build in a long term marriage are really hard to break and maybe he is relizing this.
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 456
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Joined: Aug 1999
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Being a new comer here, I hate to see a post with a "0" beside it but...<BR>Gosh, Cara, don't know what those statements imply. I would simply restate his statements as closly as possible back to him and ask if you heard him right and let him figure out why he said them. At least he will know you heard and acknowledged him!*<P>*A tip in improving communication from "Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 52
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camarinick,<P>It sounds as if your H is learning that the OW isn't quite what she appeared to be. It's perfectly natural in any relationship that the more a person gets to know another the more they will like or dislike that other person.<P>Most importantly, he is confiding in you. I would caution you about getting too confident in his doing so. There is a big difference in a good friend and a marriage partner. Your H might continue to perceive that you are a "just" a good friend.<P>Still, it sounds encouraging.<p>[This message has been edited by BB (edited August 21, 1999).]
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Joined: Jul 1999
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Rachel,<BR> I'm so glad to see you back, I agree that this may be a good sign, but you need to proceed with caution. So ow, isn't all sweetness and light anymore huh ? Intresting what a dose of daily life can do. She probably doesn't see him as Mr. wonderful on a bad day anymore either. So hang on, BTW, how are the children doing ?<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>
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Joined: Apr 1999
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hi cam, glad you are back. How are the kids doing? How are you doing? <BR>Would definitely proceed with caution, but proceed is the key word here! Keep moving forward in your life, keep working on the healing you need to do. <BR>Your h is getting the reality check that he needed a few months ago? Be his friend, take care of you! I think that being a good listener is important, and would not ask many questions at this point.
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Joined: Jul 1999
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Hi Rachel,<BR>Glad to see you back! How are your beautiful kids? <BR>Well, it looks like reality is setting in for your H. I hope things work out for you both. <BR>God Bless you all,<BR>Butterfly<BR>(formerly Dawn D) ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>
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Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 348
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Rachel,<P>Did you read Surviving an Affair? It sounds like one of the examples in the book. They are finally having to deal with reality and not fantasy. He is realizing that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.<P>My advice, from Divorce Busting, keep pursing your life. Let him figure this out himself. Take care of yourself and your beautiful children. Make a life for yourself without him. Continue with Plan A and no lovebusters. He'll figure out eventually that she is not all she appeared to be now that they have to deal with the daily stress of life.<P>Hang in there.<P>From a fellow Minnesotan.
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