We finally did it after 18 months of putting it off my H and I saw a counseller. The only thing I asked my H to discuss with me before hand was who would be the spokesperson for general questions not directed at anyone. We never came to an agreement because my H felt she wouldn't do that. She did and he spoke up most of the time.<P>She asked a lot of questions and I think my H was honest with her. <P>We did a lot of laughing and lighthearted kidding, the way my H and I really like to. I had fun and it made me remember how much fun we can have together.<P>She spent some time trying to catagorize our personalities and brought to my attention just how much and how often I take responsibiltiy for everything that goes wrong. I would assume that I would be just as likely to try to take responsililty for what goes right, but that didn't come up. I plan to ask her that next time.<P>Just that revelation shed light on a lot of what I am going through. I'm beginning to realize that I can't forgive him because I can't forgive myself. <P>I also on the other hand want to blame him to ease the burden I am putting on myself instead of letting us share it in a realistic manner.<P>We went out on a date afterward and really enjoyed each other's strange, twisted sense of humor.<P>All and all I feel good about it.<P>Some may say, "What about him, what did he learn". I'm not going to worry about that now. I can't control that, I am going to concentrate on my healing and therefore my ability to help him and let his healing come.<P>Good night, I'm going to spend the rest of the evening with a wonderful man that makes me laugh and understands the way I think.<P>Good Night.<BR>

Congratulations --<P>Hopefully he and you will both be willing to return to counseling,...<BR>and stick with it when the topics aren't all fun and light. It's a big, important step.<BR>Good luck<P>--keystone<P>p.s. Enjoy the night

That is a good point and probably one I will have trouble with then my H. <P>I become a whole more defensive about things than he does.<P>

Essyboo, we sound a like. Maybe that's my problem, I know it's my problem. I take responsibility for everything!!!!!!! This is the one thing that hurts to the core, hurts even worse because I feel I attributed to it, or caused it. I can't forgive, because the guilt in me is so great. <BR>Did she give you any hints on forgiving yourself? <BR>Glad to hear the good news and you are right, what you take out of the sessions is all you can control!<BR>Good Luck!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>