It has been 5 months since my husband confessed that he was in love with another woman, one of my best friends at the time. Since that time he has not told me that he loves me. Yesterday as he was leaving to go hunting, he did By no means would I ever be known as the doormat wife type! That being said, over the past 5 months I have really looked at what makes h's emotional needs be met and I had not been doing a very good job. I had bought into the idea that I need not do anything for him that he could do himself and my h is quite capable! For the last 5 months I have been trying to extend myself to meet these unmet needs of my husband and he has noticed! He said he really likes how "nice" I have been to him. Did I lose myself by meeting these needs? In no way! I was not liking the response I was getting from my husband, so I changed my action to get the response that I wanted. The Harley principles do work if you work them. We are constantly taught the "me, me" attitude and Harley teaches the "them, them" attitude. Will it kill you to meet some of their needs? No, it probably won't even inconvenience you! You just need to focus on their needs instead of your own! Is my h meeting all of my needs right now? No, but hearing "I love you" is a big step in the right direction. Hang in there and keep on doing what is right! They do notice.

Derby,<BR> Your message gives me hope.....I hope! I'm three months into my H's withdrawal, working daily at trying to understand (which I've decided I can't), trying to fulfill his needs, he is forcing homself to show affection, but I still know where his heart is....the OW. I pray every day we will get to the point you have, but he's so scared to bring closure to what they have shared and can't imagine we can have that deep of love.<P>Sometimes I feel so hopeless, but when I read where someone has finally noticed all the betrayed's work and it has paid off I dig deep within me and muster up more perserverance. I hope that tank never runs out!!<P>Much congratulations to you for hanging in there. Hope things continue to get brighter!<P>--Jenn<P>------------------<BR>

Jenn<BR>It is very easy to get discouraged. Just hang in there and keep doing what is right! As long as he is trying you are way ahead of the game

Derby,<P>Concider yourself fortunate. It sounds as if your starting your recovery. Dr.H. believes recovery can't start until sfter withdrawl. He says that there will be no short term payoff, but in the long run if we keep to his principles we will reap the rewards of a fulfilling marriage. Keep posting I need to here some success it give me hope my beautiful wife will come around. First she hasd to end her EA. Until she does I'm in plan-b. Let us know how you are doing.<P>thanks<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Go Derby!!!!!!!!!!!!!