Hey Freedom.. I have been waiting for you to come back here... I have been telling my h about you and your situation. He has been home for 5 months now,, but has struggled with withdrawal and has been contacting ow just when I think things start to get better with us.. Then we start all over again.. get in an argument.. I get upset, he gets upset because I find out.. we start all over again trying.. well,, I am slowly losing my patience.. His lack of being able to stick to his guns has caused me physical, emotional and work problems.. I dont want to give up.. We had a good marriage, but he is destroying it by what he is doing... He needs some help but wont seek it.. <BR>Could you write him?? I have told him all about you.. His email address is Nags37@cs.com.... Oh yes... and to make matters worse,, ow bought a house right around the corner from us.. and it has been even harder for him.. We are now talking about moving....

Hi Mickey,<P>I realize your post is meant for another, but I distinctly remember you from a response you gave me to one of my earliest posts.<P>I was very encouraged as you told me then that you were in recovery. After reading this post, I can now really understand why Harley recommends a move out of state.<P>I have often felt, that doing so is the only chance me & my H will have to recover. His OW lives three hours away, but obviously, that is not enough distance.<P>Just out of curiousity, how far are you considering moving?

Hi Mickey,<BR> We have about the same timeline of recovery (it's been 7mos. for us) and we moved out of state.....if there is any possible way to do it, DO IT. It has been up and down even with the move, but progress is being made and I'm sure if we were back in the same situation we would be heading for D.....it is just too too hard....Now when things get bad he can't go running to the OW, we face things and go on.....and finally I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.....your marriage is worth it Mickey. Btw, we didn't get a paycheck for 4mos. and uprooted the kids and left longtime friends but it is still worth it.....Lu

Sidney and Lu:: Thanks for your response.. I just cant believe how hard this is... I mean I totally thought we were out of the woods headed in the right direction,,, then whammo.. My h goes about 3-4 weeks as far as I can tell with out contact,, then he breaks down and sees her.. It is so hard on me.. I cant take it much more. This last time I had the most hope that we were gonna make it...but he didnt make it. And then he gets mad at me because I find out about it..<P>Since the ow just lives around the corner (she just bought a home here on purpose).. We were just considering a move maybe 15 minutes away.. Would that be a waste of time? I dont think we can move out of state although the thought has crossed my mind.. My h wont consider it.. He wont even consider changing his job.. Although he doesnt directly work with her..<P>This is so sad.. We love each other.. I dont know what to do.. I am starting to think about a seperation because I cant take it emotionally and physically anymore.. I would like to try the move first, and also have some other ideas that may help.. If that doesnt help, I guess I am going to have to seperate..<BR>Sidney,, your right,, this is way harder than I ever thought and one of the strongest addictions I have ever seen. Its hurting me a lot. Dont know what to do..

Mickey,<P>I'm sorry to say, but yes, I believe moving just 15 minutes away would be a waste of time.<P>I'm a firm believer that getting away from the area, and out of the state is going to be your only chance at saving your marriage. Like you said, the addiction is too great. Starting over in a new location without the constant memories will give your marriage a breath of fresh air. <P>Here is what I plan to do. I have set a date (which I haven't yet disclosed with my H). At that time, if he has not ended the affair, I am going to leave, either with him or without him.<P>If he chooses to stay, that will be fine with me. It will just make it easier on me to go through the disconnect. As long as our H's are still hanging around, it's very difficult to let go.<P>I know what I have to do. <P>Save Marriage= leaving state<BR>Get Divorce= leaving state<P>Now I must say that this decision is not that difficult since we both hate living where we are currently located. As a matter of fact, it is actually one of the reasons for the affair. We cannot do the recreational activities we enjoy, so we have drifted apart in that area.<P>I know what you are going through, Mickey. I pray that you will find the strength you're going to need to get through this.<P>P.S. If you decide to go this route, check with an attorney. I did, and found that there are residency requirements in other states for filing for divorce. Therefore, it might be advantageous to do that before leaving.

Hi Mickey,<P>I sent your H an email inviting him to chat. I also attached my whole story so he can see that I've been through this whole process. I don't know if he'll respond, but if he does I'll try to help. In any event, Good luck