I have been dealing with my H leaving me and our children since June. We have been married 15 years. He says he wants to come back but acts as though he wants some big guarantee that it will be different when he returns. Well, it definitely wil be different I have grown quite a bit and have a deepened relationship with God. I just wonder if alcohol has a lot to do with this whole affair thing and his decision making abilities.

Well, my H said that he was drunk when he boinked the STD Tramp (only one he's admitted to).

Good question and I believe the answer is it could. <P>I do believe that the affair my H had (is having) would never have started if they hadn't been drunk the first time. Some would say "BS", but I really think that. I think some "good" people would never cross the line without a little nudge... That's why you never put yourself in a position like that. <P>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P>

My H also had a one night stand and said it wouldn't have happened if he had not drank too much and put himself in a situation where something like this can happen. However, I did a lot of thinking today about alcohol being to blame for his actions and I just can not accept that. The alcohol allowed his inhibitions to be down and moral judgements as well. But, I feel there was more curiousity there than the fact he was so drunk he didn't realize what he was doing.

My beautiful wife was stone sober when she bought OB line.<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Thanks for responding. I guess my question is more the role alcohol plays in the breakdown of a marraige. Such as not dealing with issues or what they are feeling. Using alcohol to avoid confrontation and avoid how they are feeling emotionally.<BR>I just feel that I am battling more than the OW here. I know I have to Let Go and Let God work in his life. Sometimes when I let go I stand there and supervise God. Not a really good idea.<BR>

hi julsv, My h likes to drink, usually beer, but he is not an alcoholic. After discovery of all the affair nonsense, the one question I did ask that was enlightening was about the role of alcohol. He was drunk everytime he had sex with another woman. Everytime. <BR>I am not saying the alcohol made him unfaithful, but rather it helped him put aside some of the walls in his own head. Like any drug, it helped him be somewhere else. Escape from reality? <BR>Would he have had affairs without alcohol? Probably...but maybe not as many for such a long period of time? Who knows! That might be wishful thinking on my part.<BR>During negotiations about keeping the marriage together, this was an issue I felt strongly about. The final deal was no alcohol for him unless he was with me. Pretty stiff sentence? I am taking no chances with my heart or my health!

My stbx needed alcohol to have sex with me, but said she didn't need it with om.<P>What does that tell you!

Yep, beer played a big role in our problems. I don't necessarily think my H is an alcoholic, but for awhile there, while I was depressed and hiding, he was drinking a lot more. Then he was going to the bar with co-workers a lot more, and while there was an underlying curiosity that he had about the OW, the beer allowed him to dismiss his misgivings and go for it. Wa la: he now found himself in an affair, and trying to get out of it, but they work together and it's all weird and he doesn't know what to do. <P>The drinking was also an issue when we were deciding whether or not to remain married. My mother is an alcoholic, so I can never figure out if I'm being overly touchy because of that history, or if there's a real problem, you know? Anyway, H is drinking much less, and is not going out by himself and putting himself in situations where another affair could happen.<P>cl, I don't think your sentence is too harsh. Not at all.

My h. said that he needed to be a little drunk any time he felt guilt creeping in. He would sometimes grab a glass of wine at work before their nooners at a nearby hotel.<P>He definitely drank heavily (and hard liquor) in the months between when she dumped him and when he confessed.<P>After the confession? Down to one six pack a week at most!<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Hi Marlo, Thanks for your post. I can relate quite a bit to your situation. My H still works with her and STILL lives with her. We are negotiating terms for his return. Sometimes he really wants to come home and then he just doesnt want to face everything. I find him more and more depressed and drinking more frequently and more amounts. He tells me this since I would not know since I dont live with him. Now all he wants to do is sleep on his days off. The kids are really missing him and so am I. I have been going to Al-Anon meetings to help me deal with a situation that I have no control over. He needs to come to his own conclusions that alcohol is destroying him. I have watched this escalate since he left home, probably thought he would be happier not around me and is finding himself more miserable. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, that he will seek the help he needs. <BR>Thanks again for your post.