I am looking for opinoins and thoughts. I am not involved in any religion, and I don't want to read alot of books. <BR> I am recently married and already having a very hard time staying commited to my marriage. (I am not at all interested in having an affair, or seeking romantic or emotional support from someone else). In my life with my husband, I have ended up being responsible for everything, from making sure my husband gets up in the morning, to all housework, cooking, paying bills, car maitenence, etc... I also work full time and he works part time. I am sure I am being overly negative, but it seems like all he does is watch TV and make messes for me to clean up.<BR> We have tried to talk and talk about it, but all that happens is that I talk about how I feel, and he never says anything. (It seems that we don't talk with eachother, I just talk at him.) I always end up feeling like the victim. He has refused to go to counseling (together or seperately), read books, etc... (after all, he refuses to even talk about our relationship, what do I expect?) I have done the nag nag thing, the refusal to help him with his life anymore thing, the why bother to talk to you anymore thing, ... sigh... I am sure he has alot going on in his head, and he is probably clinically depressed, but there is nothing I can do but make things worse (it seems).<BR> Anyhow, as you can see, I feel sorry for myself, and I feel that I am in a position where I have to make a unilateral decision about our relationship. I really don't like being in yet another situation where everything is up to me. Anyhow, the conclusion I have come to is that the best thing would be for me get my own place, maybe in a few months, so I can have my life back, and let him sort his problems out.<BR> Should I tell him this now? I know it will make him very upset, and I certainly don't want to add more emotional nurturing to my job-list. I am already exhausted. But, this seems like the kind of thing I shouldn't just spring on him when the time is right for me.<BR> What do other people think? <BR> <BR>

Russian, have you tried counseling on your own yet? I would consult a professional about the situation before you do anything. Though you can't change your husband, a counselor will have ways for you to change yourself and maybe help your husband. They can also help you cope and give you good advice about when to leave if that is what is necessary. Religion/faith is also a big source of comfort and strength in a situation like this. I encourage you not to disregard it.

I do go to a psychologist, but I find that I get really depressed when I dwell on the problems I am having at home. Also, the psychologist says that I need to give my husband a list of ultimatums, and tell him I am going to leave him if I am not satisfied. To me, that is not a marriage worth having.<BR>Of course, I don't know of any alternative either.<P>As for religion, I know that it is a great source of comfort and joy and inspiration for many people. I was raised an aethiest, and concepts like "His love" and "spiritual union" really don't mean anything to me. I don't mean to be at all hostile, I just relate better to advice that is in words that are part of my world.<P>At anyrate- thank you for responding- I will try to talk to my counselor some more about my particular quandry.