I have never posted anything before and I truly hope there is someone out there who can give me some advice. I guess it’s best to start with my story.<P>About a year ago I started working with a new woman at work. She lived in another city and was going to be traveling to work with me. I introduced her to my wife and we started working together. At the time my wife and I have had a very successful marriage, we were married seven years, we had many things in common, we both had very promising careers... we were very happy.<P>Soon after I began working with the new person my wife have to travel away to work. I encouraged her to go because it would be great for her career and I said that I would fly to go see her whenever I could. After she left I began to spend more time at work with the new co-worker. I would talk to her often about business stuff and we had a lot in common since we worked together. My wife would call me as often as possible but soon I started spending more time talking business on the phone with this other woman. The business was starting to take off and I became obsessed with it’s success. I talked to my wife less and focused on my career. My wife could sense that I was fading and urged me to come and see her. She called more and more, but I became more distant. She wanted me to move and work were she was working because the opportunities were better, she also wanted me to be away from this person I was working with. I felt that she just didn’t believe in my business and didn’t believe in me anymore, but I know now that she could sense that I was slowly separating myself from her. Over then next four months I worked and she worked, we were separated by many many miles and I spent more and more time with this new woman. My wife bought me a plane ticket so I could fly out and see her. I was in the middle of a very busy time and tried to make excuses not to go see her. I ended up flying out to see her, but I was a complete [censored]-hole. I was grumpy and ruined a trip that my wife had spent so much time arranging. I know how much she loved me, but I couldn’t be honest enough to tell her I was in trouble. I stayed for a couple of days and then returned home. Things just got worse and worse.<P>Then my wife came home for a month. We had always had a marriage that many people looked up to. We were always able to work things out. But this time when my wife tried to talk to me I was distant and didn’t have much to say. She was very frustrated with me and spent many nights crying with-out sleep. Then another job opportunity came her way. It was another far away job and I saw an opportunity to work at my job again and she saw an opportunity to work and not be crying all the time. We decided it would be good to take to job. In the last minute I changed my mind and told her not to go, but by this time my communication skills were so limp that I couldn't tell her that our marriage was in jeopardy. I know now that is all she would have needed to hear and she would have stayed. Oh how I regret that moment, I wish I would have told her the trouble I was in . After she left I went to see the OM, I felt so guilty... I didn’t know what to do. I was lost. I was not living in a reality. I went to visit my wife to tell her what happened ... but I couldn’t do it. When I flew back I decided I would tell my wife face to face the next time I saw her. Then the worst thing happened. My mother-in-law came sick. My wife rushed home to be at her side. I tried to be there as much as possible but I was still not living in reality. I had put all the the real compassion that I had for my wife into the OW. My mother in-law then passed away. My wife was very upset but handled it well. She looked after the rest of the family and did most of the work with the will and funeral arrangements. I was so distant that I didn't give her the support she needed. When the funeral happened I was busy at work with the OW so I drove back and forth between work and the funeral. It was not good, that is my biggest regret of all. I loved my mother in-law very much. My wife has many of her good qualities and that is one of the reasons I love her so much. About a week after the funeral I was with my wife and my best friend. My friend could sense that something was not just right. He told me “ I don’t know what’s going on, but you’d better fix it” I told my wife about the affair that night. Of course she was very angry and told me to leave the house. I did, I later found an apartment and have been living there. I continued to see the OW. My wife tried very hard to get us back together, but I was too stubborn. She took us to a counselor and introduced me to this web site. This site helped me a great deal but I still did not completely see the light. I tried several times to cut it off with the OW, but was unsuccessful each time. My wife put her foot down because I had a huge conference that was coming up in may 5-7 and she told me if I went then our marriage would be over. I told her I had to go. I told that it would be the last time I would see the OW and then it would be over. I called her and left messages every day asking how she was and urging her to call me. Then last weekend I went to go see her and give her some flowers. She told me she had a busy weekend and would not have much time to talk. As I looked in her eyes I could see she was lying. I know because I did so much lying in the past year. I knew that she might be seeing someone and I was just looking for some honesty. I know that I have made a huge mistake with my affair, it is the biggest mistake in my life. All I want now is the love of my life back. Over that weekend I tried to see her, she was reluctant. I wasn’t giving her the space, I just wanted to tell her how much I love her. On Monday I called the office and quite my job. I will never see or talk to the OW and she has instructions to never call me. Yesterday it was our anniversary, it would have been eight years. I thought that I would surprise her and go see her to give her some flowers that morning. She said she was staying at her brother in-law’s house. When I got there her vehicle was not in sight. For some reason I thought I might find her a the trailer court because some of the people she works with live there. When I arrived I found her vehicle in front of one of the trailers. I knocked on the door and found her there with another man. She came out wrapped in blankets and we talked for a while. Then she told me to leave. I was very sad, but I guess I deserved it. I forgive her for anything that might have happened. I love her so much all I want is to get our marriage back. I know the big mistakes that I have made and I do not want her to make the same mistake. I know that if we want to we can fix anything. The next day I called and left a message on her answering machine explained that I forgave her and that I loved her very much. I said that would not “crowd” her anymore. I love her and I want us both to be happy. I know that I will be happiest if we are together. She may not decide to come back to me. But I hope she thinks long and hard about her decision. In the last couple of days I have called all our mutual friends and family that I have not talked to because of my embarrassing affair. I told them how much I love my wife and I thanked them for being there for her when I had hurt her so. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. In the beginning of almost all the conversations I could hear or see the hatred they had in there heart for me because of the hurt I had caused my wife. No matter how the conversations went I felt strength after each one. I don’t know what is going to happen with my wife but I have faith and I believe there is hope for two people who were married in the eyes of the Lord. I know that she still loves me, I know that she is scared we can’t get our beautiful life back. I know we can. I love her more than ever.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Stacy<BR>