I have just recently remarried a wonderful, loving man. Just over a month actually. He was an EMT in another state, which was fine. Washington has sticky laws about recognizing certification from another state for EMTs so he will have to go through EMT school here, which doesn't start until September. In the meantime, he is working part time in a hobby shop making minimum wage. Even that wouldn't be so much a problem except for 2 things.<P>He was married before and has to pay child support. He is not making enough to even pay that, let alone help out with our expenses. Since we got married, all he wants to do is spend money on things... lots of things. It's all on my credit because he has bad credit... so now my credit card debts have doubled in one month (up to about $8000 I think) ... I already have about $80,000 in school loans which I incurred myself, as well as the usual expenses (rent, car payment, utilities, etc). <P>He does not seem to want to find any better job, or contribute in any way to our finances. Yet, he continues to want to buy lots of high-dollar stuff... he keeps talking about doing all sort of expensive things to improve our truck... and wants a new computer... etc etc. <P>We've had many arguments over this, and I am tired of arguing. But I'm also tired of being in debt, and am really starting to resent the fact that he doesn't seem to care and only wants to incur yet more debt... and what's worse, not even help pay for it. <P>I know that it's not really "my" money or "his" money anymore... but in reality, it is all me paying for this since I'm the one with a decent salary. I really wouldn't mind so much if he either A. would be working a job that paid something or B. would not have persuaded me into buying so much expensive stuff... and would stop doing so.<P>I've tried many different ways to talk to him about this, and gently explain to him the situation. I've also tried plainly telling him I can't afford it anymore and he needs to get a better job. No matter how gentle or candid I am.. he only gets mad. Very mad and won't talk about it. I don't know what to do. I'm extremely tired of the arguments about this issue, but I can't let myself sink deeper into debt without having a real means of paying it off. Please help... anything at all... thanks!

You could either cut up the cards or put them in a safe-box for emergency's only. Financial strain is such a huge burden please don't allow it to get any worse than it already is. <P>I'm not really sure what to tell you about his job situation. Can he apply at the local hospital to work as a clerk or nursing assistant in the ER? Most hospitals will pay to certify a person with experience. The pay isn't too horrible and he may even be eligible for tuition assistance when he starts school. <P>Whatever you do stand your ground and don't let those cards get any larger than they already are.

Thanks KBear. The problem was more that it didn't seem that he even wanted to look for a better job. That he'd rather just work 20 hours a week making minimum wage so he could stay home and do whatever he wanted. <P>We did talk rationally last night, and he finally agreed to get a different job. He has to take a certain one-day class, then he can be eligible to work in a dr's office doing clerical work, triage stuff. (I don't understand it all but in any case.) <P>You are right about standing firm though, and not letting the card debt get any bigger. Hopefully we'll be out of this mess soon. Thanks again!

Hi Anjelita,<P> Even if he can't get a higher-paying job yet, I would think that a full-time job that pays minimum wage (or hopefully, a little better) would be better in the meantime. A 20 hour a week job can hardly cover the expense of getting to and from work, much less pay any bills.<P> I know some people worry that taking a job "outside their field" would look bad on their resumes, but hey, you gotta pay the bills!<P> I constantly joke with the people I work with that "The job at the pet shop is still available". A full-time job close to home would still leave him plenty of time to mess around at home. (I have to commute, and that takes another hour or two out of each day.)<P> I'm a terrible one to talk about budgets and such, but eventually, he'll have to face reality. If you have to, call the credit card companies and cancel the cards - or at least have their credit limits lowered to what's on them now. I finally have a decent credit rating, but it takes forever to erase a bad one.<P>Best of luck!<P>Val

Thanks Val. I do have good credit right now, and would like to keep it that way! We would like to buy a home within a year or two, and I know we can't have high debts to get approved. <P>He now has some options, even within his field. He is going to take a couple of one-day classes and then he will be qualified to work in a dr's office. Also, he took a CPR class last week and the teacher was very impressed with his knowledge and suggested he apply for a teaching position there (American Red Cross). It pays quite well for hourly and so he is going to pursue that also. <P>I just hate the bickering about this issue and I think we are finally getting past that and really talking now. I am SO RELIEVED!! Thanks again for all your help!