My new wife and I have been living together for the past 3 years and last week we were married. We love each other to death and get along in every area of our lives. We're best friends.<P>We both agree that we should keep seperate bank accounts so that there won't be any fighting over money. As my wife was discussing changing her name on her bank accounts I mentioned that we should at least put both our names on all accounts even though we will be using our accounts seperatly.<P>Well this started the ball rolling on the "independance" issue. She tried to explain to me that there was a Me , a You and an US. I was horrified as she was telling me this. Once married I believe in only US. <P>I'm not interested in controlling her money or telling her what she can or cannot buy. She's a big girl. She can do what she wants, but I can't understand why she thinks of our relationship as sometimes individual and sometimes together.<P>Aren't we supposed to be as one ?

I would talk w/ her about this, most definitely, and as soon as possible. This could be a very important issue that might only get worse once you're married. Clear it up now!<P>She could be worried about you controlling her. Quite possibly, she might have seen her father control her mother's spending habits growing up, or she may have always had to fend for herself. She may have a fear of you controlling her via her spending habits. <P>Talk to her.<P>There must be a reason she is this way. She may not even know what the reason is...but it is there.<P>Find out what it is before you get married...because if you don't clear this up now, it can blossom into a whole lifetime of arguments and unhappiness. It can tear the two of you apart. Look into it right away. Communication is the key!!!!<P>Good luck!

Sorry, I didn't realize that you already were married...<P>Well, I would talk about it, like I said, and try to work it out. Don't let it turn into a huge "unspoken" issue that rips at your relationship, and where you both start to pick at each other for other things instead.<P>Talk about it!<p>[This message has been edited by Taylor1 (edited June 11, 1999).]

Thanks Taylor1,<P>We talked about it last night and my fears were put to rest. The reason she wants her "independance" is because of her last marriage. Her ex-H was a very controlling person and would not even let her look at the check book, never mind use it. I can now see why she NEEDS to keep her control with the checkbook.<P>My fear was not as much with the checkbook as it was with trying to figure out what she meant by "ME, You and Us". I figured that she wants to live two lives. One by herself and one with the two of us. It realy had my mind racing. I now understand that our lives are one, but she keeps her own checkbook. I can live with that.<P>You are very right. Communication is the key to a successful marriage. I can honestly say my wife is my best friend.....tx.<P>