MY HUSBAND AND I WILL BE MARRIED TWO YEARS THIS MONTH. WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN 10 MONTHS. HE SAYS HE DOESN'T HAVE THE URGE. HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO. I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING. ANY ADVICE?<P>

My advice is to go to counseling, and if he doesn't want to, leave him and find someone who will satisfy your needs. Life is too short to spend it in bad marriage, without sex, without happiness. You deserve better.<P>Good luck.

I agree with Blue_Topaz about going to counseling. And, here's my "two cents" to add. I am almost afraid to say this because I'm new here and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm not sure how personal we should get here etc. But, the same thing happened to me with my first marriage, and the reason was that he (how can I put this nicely???) had what the Dr. called a "Modonna/whore complex. Which (in a nutshell) means that after you're married the sex isn't exciting anymore. I was "the Modonna" and well, you get the idea. Like an idiot, I put up with this for *many* years and at least two affairs. (The first was when I was pregnant with our first child!!) Now, I'm not saying your husband is like my ex...and I'm not saying that this is his reason for not being interested in sex. It could be a wide variety of things including job and/or money worries etc...but, I just wanted to share my experience. Just "food for thought". I hope this helps and good luck! Don't give up on the marriage without counseling though...it's worth it to at least *try* to make it work. <P>Take care,<BR>hugs,<P><P>------------------<BR>tyrus<BR>

Well, what have you tried?<BR>Have you taken the initiative and tried getting him in the mood?<P>How is your communication? Are you aware of what's going on in his work life, if he has any money worries, stuff like that? Maybe tyrus is right about that...<P>

An active sex drive is a sign of a healthy person. No sex drive indicates an unhealthy individual. The problem can be physical and/or psychological It may even be something else like a sexual addiction that you are not aware of. Start anywhere it will be easiest for you. Get him to a doctor. Get him to a counselor and go with him. If both of these things reveal nothing and don't help check up on him. Is he using porn as a substitute for intimacy? Is he carrying on an emotional or physical affair? <p>[This message has been edited by Mudder (edited December 21, 1999).]