My girlfriend and I have been trying semi-successfully to remain in a loving relationship for almost five years now. It seems like we can go along for a while (sometimes quite a long while) in blissful harmony and then something happens to create chaos for a while. After a time we are able to talk it out and get back on track. This has been a recurring patern throughout the relationship. We both love each other very much and I would truly like to spend the rest of my life with this woman. She has also told me on many occasions that she would also <BR>like to spend the rest of her life with me. The breakups are mostly over misunderstandings and poor communication between us. There has been no infidelity on either side. No drug or alcohol use and no desire to date other people. We both seem to be really lacking in relationship and communication skills with each other.<P>A little background information is probably in order here. I am 54 years old and my girlfriend is 49. We have both been married more than once and are both active in a 12 step program. We were engaged to be married up until a year ago when a major breakup occurred and have been trying unsuccessfully to restore the relationship ever since. To me it appears that fear and confusion (on both sides) have prevented the successful restoration of love and harmony. The last time we talked, I suggested using "The Four Gifts Of Love" as a relationship guidebook and also enrolling with Dr. Harley for couples counselling. I am also open to individual counselling or anything else that would restore the love that we both shared (it was wonderful). <P>I would like some feedback on this because I really do love this woman and believe that she really loves me and am hoping to spend the rest of my life with her in wedded bliss (rough spots and all). I truly believe that we can have a wonderful future together when we are able to better meet each others emotional needs and learn how to eliminate love-busters from our relationship.<P>------------------<BR>R.E.C.O.<p>[This message has been edited by Robert E. Osinski (edited January 16, 2000).]

Hi Robert,<P>I would suspect you haven't gotten any replies yet because it sounds like you're doing really well on your own! You found Dr. Harley's books, your relationship is loving and able to withstand bumps, and you're committed to changing yourself to better yoru relationship. You're on the right track, just keep going! The only thing you don't mention is - how does your girlfriend feel about incorporating the four gifts of love into your relationship? Is she willing to try Dr. Harley's principles? If you haven't already, be sure to read the information posted on the website (not the bulletin board) about love busters and emotional needs.<P>Good luck!