Hello, I am 26, my husband is 30. We have been married for 5 months now. My husband and I had been dating for 4 years and living together for 3 years prior to marriage. We are about to move to a different state in a month, and I have been having major doubts about the marriage, and I think that I have some major fear issues. I will begin with when the fear started:<BR> When he asked me to marry him I was shocked and terrified all at once. I just wasnt ready for him to ask me this, let alone answer.Then when he said that he doesn’t see why this relationship should go on if we are not going to get married, I felt cornered. He did have a point, however. He wanted to<BR>make that big step, show his Love and commitment for me, and by keeping it the way we were going, it would be like staying on the same page of a book forever. So, because I wanted to stay with him, I mustered up all my courage and told him I would marry him. I didn’t feel good about it at the time,but I did feel like I made the right decision, and thought that feeling would just go away, and it did in a way, whether it was being repressed or what, I dont know. At any rate, the big day came, and that terrified feeling<BR>came back. I was constantly asking myself “what am I doing!?”, “what are we doing!?”, but that just seemed like natural, pre-wedding jitters. The terror subsided to uneasiness soon enough, and I just figured the uneasiness would just melt away. Well, it has been 5 months, and I am just as<BR>uneasy as ever. I am sure the fact that we are moving in a month has magnified these feelings.<BR> He had stated to me numerous times that he would not be moving if it was not for me, he was strongly opposed at first, but he finally decided that he would go ahead with it. Therefore,I really think that a decision has to be made before the move.<BR>Basically, I just want to do the right thing for both of us. I dont want to end a marriage just because I am scared and doubtful, but at the same time, I think that if this marriage is not right, it<BR>will only cause more harm if we stay together. I’ll admit, we dont have one of those relationships<BR>everyone is envious of, but we dont have any major problems either. We have some issues to<BR>work through, but we love each other very much.<BR> My brain is overflowing with questions, I dont expect you to answer them all, I just hope you<BR>can help me with the most important ones. (By the way, I have read the all of the concepts on this web site, but none really seem to help with this problem)<P><BR>1. Is this fear thing a common occurrence? Does it ever go away? Is it something I can fix myself? Is it separate from the actual marriage, and have more to do with commitment? Is it possible that I am using this fear thing as an excuse to get out of a marriage I dont really want to be in? Or is it that the marriage is just fine, and it is just me having fear issues?<BR>2. I always hear people talking about finding “the one”, the “soul mate”, ect. I may just be cynical, but I dont think that exists for me, I dont think that I could ever find “the one”, I think it is possible, but not likely. So, does knowing that my husband is not “the one”, make it wrong for<BR>me to be married to him? Even though he thinks that I am “the one”?<P>Any advice you may have will be greatly appriciated.<P>[This message has been edited by sue123 (edited February 01, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by sue123 (edited February 03, 2000).]
