I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. He is very sweet, honest, trustworthy, loyal, smart, educated, you get the idea, he has some very great qualities. There are several things however that make me wonder if I'm just wasting my time with him. For one, I am a Christian and he is not. He does believe in God, and in fact majored in comparative religion. But he does not subscribe to any particular religion. I wasn't all that concerned with him believing the same as far as the "religion" of Christianity, it's simply having a relationship with God, which is what I believe defines a Christian. When we first started dating he would attend church with me, but during the summer months things got busy and neither of us went regularly. Now that things have slowed down I have started to attend regularly again, but he does not. I know he probably would if I asked him to, but I know he hates getting up early to go, and I don't feel like dragging him to church. He knows it's important to me, so why should I have to ask him all the time? I feel like this could be a huge problem for us in the future if we were to marry. How can I raise my children to believe something that their father does not.<P>Which brings up another issue. Early on in dating we discussed whether or not we wanted children in the future and we both agreed we did. I already have a five year old from a previous relationship, and I know that I want at least one or two more. Now he isn't sure if he wants children or not. I think much of this has to do with the financial burden that often accompanies children. I would never marry anyone who wasn't sure if they wanted children, so how long do you date someone and wait to see how they will feel in the future? <P>He has some really great qualities that I have not been able to find in others I've dated. I don't want to give a "good" guy. But I'm not sure if he can give me everything I'm looking for. But what if my expectations are unrealistic, I mean, nobody can ever make you feel completely happy and fullfilled. I've been told that it is impossible to find someone who has everything you're looking for. So how do you know when you should stay or go? I love him but I don't want to end up married and unfufilled.

Wish I could tell you how you know...<BR>But, these are two biggies, that IMHO need to be addressed before marriage.<BR>Good luck-<BR>Kathi

First, of all God says two shouldn't be unevenly yoked. Marrying someone who does not have a firm belief in Christ is asking for problems. Year and a half is plenty enough time to know whether he is right or not. God is always available for counsel, infact he talks to us all the time. The question is are we listening. If you really want to know, begin by reading the Bible daily and just talking to God. It will be crystal clear whether he's the man for you. This applies to all areas of life.

Dear Juliet,<P>Let me know if you figure it out. I am having a very similar problem. I have been dating a "great guy" for over a year now. We are very compatible. We love doing the same things and even have a lot of the same attitudes of life. <P>The problem is that, although we have the same basic belief system, he doesn't attend church. I am very active in church and in my relationship with God. I know to marry this man would be to be "unequally yoked." I believe that a husband should be the spiritual leader of a house. I was married previously to a man who started going to church so that I would go out with him. During our marriage he always attended church and professed God; however, we were very unequally yoked. This caused a lot of problems in our relationship. He many times felt inferior to me (though I never tried to make him feel that way). I never nagged him about his relationship with God because I felt that it was between him and God, but there was always an intimacy that was missing in our relationship.<P>I am not about to let that happen again! However, I don't know if I should leave this very wonderful man or if I should wait and see if he is going to make a choice to have a more personal relationship with God. I have not even been successful in getting him to attend church with me.<P>Now on the issue of children. This is very important! I married a man who already had a daughter and we had 3 children together. It was very difficult to meld the family. When my marriage didn't work out, I lost a child. She is 19 now and we are still close but I will never forget the feeling of having her taken from me. I had raised her for 11 years. The man that I am dating now had to take a long time to figure out whether or not it mattered to him that I could not have any more children. I am 7 years older then he is. He finally decided that he really didn't want to start a family at this time in his life. However, he has problems developing a relationship with my children. He has never been around children. He is the youngest of 3. He loves my kids but doesn't know what to do to communicate with them. He is working on it and getting better.<P>We live 45 minutes from each other. Because I am recooperating from a bad injury; I have been living with my parents. He has 2 roommates. He is in graduate school. We get to see each other usually only once a week. Sometimes he resents the time that the kids take from me. Sometimes he resents the lack of privacy that you have when you are raising kids. This concerns me.<P>I don't know what I should do either. It is a difficult decision. Will this man ever be the man of God that I know I need in a permanent relationship? Will he ever be able to develop the relationship with my kids that needs to be there to make a permanent committment? Should I wait and see? Should I allow myself to become more emotionally involved in this relationship if it is eventually going to fail? I know that there is no way that I could make it permanent the way it is. Am I just standing in God's way of placing the right person in my life by staying with this "great guy?" Am I settling for less then what I need and deserve? Is it reaistic to believe that there may be someone out there who will be my "everything?"<P>I don't know. I do know that God knows. If I stay in His presence and seek Him, the He will give me the answers.<P>My prayers are with you.<P><P>------------------<BR>God promises a life more abundant. It is our responsibility to live it.