My girlfriend, Joni, and I have come to a point in our relationship where it is necessary to commit to marriage. She is VERY much ready to be married, but I still am working out a couple of things.<P>We are very much in love and meet or exceed every qualification of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts. We are best friends and there is noone else that I would rather spend my free time with. We have never lived together so that isn't clouding any issues. The issue for me is a simple one: I am 28 (Oct bdayt) she is 42 (May bday) and I am concerned about some of the age issues that I have:<P>1. Kids... possible or not??? She want's to have another (she currently has a 14 yr old son who I have a good relationship with) which is great. If we couldn't concieve I believe that I am strong enought to except that, and adopt a child instead, but that concerns me. If we wasn't strong enough and she felt any resentment from me towards her it would devestate her.<P>2. Activity... I am athletically very active (jogging, volleyball, basketball, etc).. her and I both enjoy golfing and going for walks, etc... However, in 10 - 20 years where will be at? And about that time any children that are our biological or adopted will be in their most difficult parts of their teenage years... I will have the energy to deal with it, but will she.<P>3. Retirement... if I retire at 60 she'll be 74... where does that leave time for us to enjoy our "retirement" years together.<P>On one hand these questions that I have are, unfortunately, big red flags. However, I have never loved anyone this much and can't imaging ever finding someone else that I love this much... <P>Everyday that this drags on is another day that causes more hurt and pain for us... any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks in advance....<P>RTR<P>

Okay, this isn't going to be the cheeriest message, but... have you ever considered you might die before she does? People get in car accidents, they get cancer, they have freak heart attacks. Your reluctance to marry Joni is built upon your assumption you'll each live long enough to grow old and die of natural causes. I pray you'll be so lucky, but realize you may not be. Life is precious and short and it's end is never expected, therefore my advice is: if you love this woman as you say you do, and your relationship is strong and stable, don't let age keep you from marrying her. Treasure each day with her as if it were your last, for some day - too soon - it will be.