Well lets see where am I, oh ya I'm sitting in front of the computer on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year and I have no clue where my W is. I don't know how to interprid something maybe you guys can help. <P>My W is still out of the house on her own. She has stopped seeing the OM completely ( she says... they broke off on a bad note.... gee thats too bad ) Now she still is avoiding me and the marriage and when asked about it she says if forced to work on it or talk about it she will opt for divorce because I would be forcing an answer out of her. <P>she went out and started hanging out with a younger group of people..Her "new" friends.. Some of which are guys... Worse yet, some of them are my students in a local class that I teach. She says that I need to trust her right now and I obviously have a trust and faith issue so it ain't easy. Now every time I see these students I get angry. They are hanging out with my W and going out to bars and dancing. I clearly think it is inappropriate and I have told her that I think it is wrong for her to have guy friends right now. Her response was she agreed but said it was ok as a group of guys ( and 1-2 gals ) but not as individuals.... I pointed out to her that is how her affair started....Friends with a group of people and then the individual came out of that group... She had no response to that.<P>She also still is frequenting the dance club/bar where her affair started. Is that wierd or is it me? Should I have any ill feeling toward these guys? I have thought of quitting my part time teaching job because I don't think that I could not treat them different when it comes to test and stuff.. If I approach her she will just tell me that I am beating a dead horse. I just feel like she is putting my nose in it by hanging out with people who are close to me at my job. She doesn't seem to get it.. I don't either. <P>She said she might....MIGHT call me today and go to lunch. My hopes are high but as always I am somewhat prepared to get shot down. These feeling are so fresh that it would be hard not to say anything. But I know she is taking a leap if she calls me. So I guess I won't bring it up... I want to show her that we can be together and not fight or talk about this... Is that a bad idea????<P>Please give me some imput.... Anything....<P><P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

Rutger - Anniversaries during this time are extremely awkard. Like you, I was hopeful that the day would be special. Of course, my high expectations were only fuel to depress me. I did the day up for my W, only to be crushed by her response to everything I did. <P>My only advice is expect nothing. I think meeting for lunch would be great and if not talking about 'it' will keep things light, then don't talk about 'it'.<P>I would not stray from any plans or gifts that you normally give for an anniversary. She is still your wife. Try to keep special occasions normal (if possible). Don't expect anything in return. <P>I hope your day turns out well.<P>SHA

Hi Rutger,<P>I think on your anniversary, or any of ours, feelings are magnifed at least a million billion gazillon times when your'e in this situation. This is the day that you married your beloved a few years earlier vowing that in sickness and in health, for better for worse, till death do us part.<P>I certainly hope it doesn't get any worse that this. On our anniversary we were to go to a very nice restaurant and have a nice civil meeting. I was ready to start a fight an hour before she arrived. Just thinking about the affair, I could have spit fire. I started a BIG FIGHT before we got only a few miles away. Just couldn't keep my mouth shut. It burned my @ss really bad.<P>This helped the relationship and reconsiliation in no way. I believe I fell back at least to square one if not further back. <P>I have absolutely no advise on the teaching job. I think only you will truely know what is best for your situation. Try to back up one mile at take a look. Too many times Iv'e reacted to my feelings without thinking. Something about can't see the forrest for the trees.<P>Medic

Rutger<P>Wish I had wise words - you've sure helped me in my darkest hours, but my anniversary is around the corner and I'm just dreading it.<P>What she's doing IS inappropriate and you're not wrong for thinking so. Unfortunately, all we all can do sometimes is accept what we get and be patient with the rest. You guys taught me that!<P>Only you can decide what you can take and what you cannot. Do what YOU think is right, with her and with your classes. You're pretty level headed from what I can tell (especially under the circumstances) - you'll do what you need to.<P>Keep being strong - from what I can see, you've done ok.<P>Sorry no good advice, not far enough along or confident enough to give you any, but I am thinking about you and pulling for you.<P>Lori

Well my worst fears came true.... She never called. Nothing from her on the most important day for us.... I once more am dying inside. I walked in the door from a friends house and broke down crying... Why do I put myself through this? Is it really worth it ? Will I walk away a better person?? I honestly don't know, I am in such a world of hurt that I'm not thinking straight... <P>I guess it is time for Plan B. She is not seeing the OM ( so she says, but she is convincing ) so my only reason for doing Plan B would be for my sanity. I can't keep playing this hopeful game and then being shot down. It just hurts too much. I also hope that this will give her the freedom she wants and she will get all of this S**T out of her system and realize that it is time to come back to the real world. Maybe... when she is ready I will be there.<P>Do I sound like a lunatic ??? Does that sound like the way to go??... She knows that I want to continue our marriage. I hope she figures this out before it is too late... <P>Goodnight all, I am emotionally drained and need some rest... Thank you for your responses and support. You guys really keep me at this and knowing that you know what I am going through makes it just a little better.<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

hi, my 10th anniversary is coming up quickly and i am dreading it too after my h had an affair two yrs ago. seems to me we have alot in common. i wait and wait for my h to treat me the way he should. to be remorseful and bend over backwards to win me back. what a joke. i try not to have expectations but find it impossible. at least i refuse to allow him to be rude or inconsiderate anymore. a person has to salvage a shred of dignity and self-esteem somewhere along the way. like you i would appreciate the smallest of things from my h,and so badly want things to be good. i am at wits end also and waffle between the idea of standing up for myself and try to make myself see that if he doesn't value my love then why should i put myself thru this or do i keep waiting and hoping? let me know how things work out. good luck and remember that you ARE worth a great deal and don't deserve to be treated this way.

Rutger -- Aniversaries and holidays can be pure hell when we are seperated from our spouse. While I didn't have our wedding aniversary involved during our seperation, I did have, easter, mothers day, fathers day and our daughters birthday. It hurts like hell I know. Hang in there. You can get through this.<P>God Bles