I was remarried in aug of 99 to a man with a 5yr old girl,he has custody.She lived with his mom for awhile but that didnt work out so he brought her to our home.Now i feel very unhappy,i am jealous of her ,i resent having to have her here.i know it sounds terrible.i hate to feel this way.his kid ,he said ,may not even be his really,and last yr i had to have an abortion because we couldnt afford a child.his kid looks just like her mom and it feels like its a constant reminder of his ex.and his kid hangs all over him constantly,asking about her mom and it just makes me feel bad.i love my husband but dont know how to change the way i feel.when his kid is not here things are so good.i had a husband that left me after he became a cop and i know im emotionally needy,my ex always put everything before me and i need to know that my husband puts me and our marriage first.please help me<BR>

asinurse--<P>Deep breaths!! Don't give up hope. You're not alone and yes, it IS difficult to blend families. It sounds in your case like this was a surprise too (primary custody).<P>It's okay to feel the way you do. Some step-parents "take" to the new additions like love at first sight; others simply don't. Dr. Harley even recommends in extreme cases where a situation with children becomes irreconcilable that the couple live apart, like dating but still married. I kinda doubt that's an option you'd prefer, so surely you can find ways to cope short of that. <P>My stepson looks a LOT like his mother. I can sympathize with your feelings. <P>Talk to your H about your feelings, remembering the POJA. His feelings are just as important as yours (and vice versa), so remain calm and pleasant during discussions. Also, he obviously cares for his daughter and has accepted responsibility for her; tread lightly when considering any different options. By the same token, you're newlyweds. You ARE very special to him. It's normal for women to need reassurance that they come first in their H's life, and sometimes men need a little direction on how to convey that.<P>What are some things that you yourself could do to lessen the stress? Brain storm. Does H's Ex have visitation, or can you find a babysitter so you and H spend quality time together?<P>Use this place to vent, and share listening ears. We'll help as much as we can.