I have been married 7 months.My H seems to feel that it is appropriate to lie. It started with small ones, then progressed to a HUGE one.This time he told me that he was going to St. Louis for work. I was a little upset that he would be gone for 6 days, but that's life.He told me he would call when he got there. Well 2 days later,still no call. I started to get worried and called his work. They told me yes he's in St. Louis. Then I call the manager for a phone number, and he says "He's on vacation this week, he goes to St. Louis next week!" My H had his people that work for him lie to me and through a series of phone calls, I found out that he was in Vegas.I just felt like someone ripped my heart out. He had lied and went to Vegas. Then, left me hanging for 2 days to worry. The only reason he even talked to me is b/c I called out there and talked to his friends. He says he's sorry but sorry isn't enough anymore. I am sure he's sorry due to the fact he got caught. How can you be with someone who you can't trust at all!??!!? I am so confused, I can't decide whether it is best to just leave now, or try to work with him more and get hurt again. Any suggestions?

Welcome to our world! I'm really sorry for the problem that has surfaced. My first reaction is to advise you to sit down with your husband and confront him calmly about this situation and express your concern about the lying. Had you known your husband long prior to marriage and was there a pattern of lying then?

I have sat down and talked with him about how it hurts me when he lies.I obviously got nowhere with that.He and I did dated for about two years, living together for one, before we got married.The lies started about the time we got married.He said to me about a month ago that he was tired of not doing things for himself. I don't stop him from doing things he wants to, but I do ask that he make sure that I get to spend time with him also. I work full time and go to school full time, and that takes up a lot of my days.So, I ask that he make sure that we get to spend quality time together at least a couple nights a week.This bothers him, I guess, b/c he tries his hardest to find other things to do. But recently the lies are becoming more frequent and I am begining not to trust him at all.He comes home tomorrow from Vegas, and I honestly don't know how to approach this situation.I have ran over it in my head hundreds of times, and can not come up with a solution.He says he is sorry,and he doesn't know why he did it and that he'll do anything to make it up to me. But how do I trust these words that come from a liar?I don't feel he is sorry except that he is sorry he got caught. "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it anymore!But I am scared to put my feelings back on the line to be stomped on again,you know?!!

I would seriously suggest counseling. You need to get to the root of his lieing and understand why he feels he can't be honest with you. You are newly married and I would NOT suggest divorce. There is obviously an issue there that needs to be resolved in him and in you. I used to tell little lies to my husband because I felt I couldn't trust him with my true feelings, but that only came because of the mis trust I had toward my father who hurt me by cheating on my mother. HONESTLY, It was through the grace of God that I am free from lies and can truly trust my husband and it will take some time, but PLEASE hang in there and ask God to help... I know He will!!!<P> God Bless You!!!<BR>

We are both willing to go to counselors,so that is a plus.I intend to hang in there a little while at least,but I am honestly putting my feelings on the line to be hurt again. I can't take anymore lies.I was taught not to lie, be truthful about everything. I just can't see how someone who says they LOVE you can do something to hurt them.How many lies does it take before enough is enough. The only thing I am secure in is that he isn't cheating on me. And that's a relief, but if the lies get any bigger I am afraid it will lead to that. How can you regain trust for someone, without making them feel that they are living in a cage?and unable to do anything?I can't believe a word that comes from his mouth,everything from when he'll be coming home to where he'll be. We have tried compromises, and he broke each one of them within a couple days.When I make a promise, I stick to it, but he says to me that he changed his mind. Everytime he breaks a promise with me, I feel smaller and smaller. I have begun to feel that I am of absolute no importance to him. I should not have these feelings.I feel a disgust for him right now, b/c he has hurt me so bad.How come I always have to be the bigger person and accept what has been done,but get no help in fixing it. Things just keep happening over and over, to the point that I almost know what is going to happen next.I am actually embarrassed of my relationship and how it has become.I feel like a failure.

Crossesrus - I am in the same position as you, telling little lies to my fiance. I also believe that it may be for the same reason as you - can you advise how you and your H got past this? My fiance is ready to leave every day, because he is so hurt by this. I feel like we are hanging on by a shred.<P>To ccorf - speaking as someone who does the lying - I think counselling is the way to go (this is what I am starting). For me, lying was a way to avoid fights and (in my mind) keep my fiance in love with me. Your H sounds like he may be suffering from cold feet after getting married. Make the appointment with a counselor, it may be the most important thing that you do.