I sure hope some can help me and my fiance. I am getting ready to enter a new life with the most beautiful woman in the world. I love her more than anything. Right now we are having a problem. She is having a hard time with my past. It is not a storied one it is just that I have had other sexual partners in my life. I am her first partner. What is happening is that when she is with me and touching me places she cant get the thought of the others that might have been doing the same thing to me and it hurts her. She does love me very much and wants to be with me. I tell her that I only think of her and try to let my love make her forget about them because I know I have. Other things are coming out as well. Sometimes she looks to see that she didnt have those other experiences in her life and feels kind of cheated. She know what she has with me is so special. We love eachother so much that when we make love together that there is nothing more special. She then starts to think about if that is the way it is with her. How does she know that I didnt just have sex with the other girls in my life. I hate hurting her and we are having a problem fixing this. I love her more than anything in this world and wish I could make her know that I will only ever love her. Please help. I dont know what to do.

the2ofus,<P>Your post should be a loud commercial for remaining a virgin till marriage. All the wild oats sown in the name of freedom, or determining whether you are compatible can sometimes produce a pretty grotesque crop.<BR>(end of sermon)<P>Probably the best way to minimize the impact of these past realtionships is to demonstrate to her that she is special above them all. IMHO the best way to do that is to start by building a solid foundation for your upcoming marriage. Start with the Emotional needs questionaire from this site. Fill it our together. Talk it over. Read through this web site together. Decide together which books you will read (again together) on building a healthy marriage or affair proofing your marriage. Dr. Harleys books aren't the only good ones either. Gary Smalley is another author you might want to research. <P>The next time her doubts surface you can tell her honestly that you have never worked so hard on any other relationship because she is indeed special. <P>Another thing you night consider (some who post on these boards will no doubt think this is nuts but anyway...) is to make a contract with your fiance that from this day forward until you are united in marriage you will abstain from sexual relations. You are in effect saying that you can't change the mistakes of your past but you can take a positive stand today to remain sexually pure until your marry. <P>Just my thoughts....<BR>Mud

Hi,<BR>I just read your post and I can tell you "wow!" That hit home BIG TIME. Well I am in the position your fiance is and believe me it hurts! Fortunately my fiance had only one sexual partner but I can tell you I am still working on the issue.<P>Why am I replying to your post? Well, dear friend... Do ALL you can to make sure you show your fiance that she IS THE ONLY ONE in a full sense!<P>Make sure that you take off all material from past ex's with whom you have had sexual relationships and that even though you did not wait you are doing all you can to give your WHOLE self to her as she did with you. <P>That I think is the only way you can prove to her and take the hurt away of having had others in such an intimate way before you had her.<P>And please avoid ex girlfriends altogether if you can (I do not know your situation) but with me my fiance's ex who is till after him big time had the courage to visit when I was there and I can tell you for me it was worse than if mount Etna had exploded inside. I do not know if i should say this on a forum but I could have killed her with my hands there and then.<P>So please I am telling you out of expirience love the girl but do your best in making sure you show her that with no one else did you make the big decision for entering into Marriage. <P>There are still times when I imagine my fiance and his ex having sex in his bed and I cannot wait for us to marry cause the idea kills me.<P>Well maybe Mudder will not aggree with this but.... The good thing about us is that sex with us is simply undescribable and that I know he wants me but still issues are pretty hot so please.....<P>Even though I do not know your future wife but know what she is going through appreciate the fact she has had no man before you and think and even meditate you did not end up with a woman who might have had sex with other men before you!<P>Think and appreciate.....<P>stubborn

My fiances past rips me up big time! I have no previous sexual partners, my fiance has - many :-( <BR>His honesty IS respected and I am thankful for it too. I love him, he loves me :-)<BR>We have decided to wait until we are married before any sexual activity and this was actually his idea :-) (like a lottery win for the Love Units Bank! Also, while reading here I found that you tend to love the person that most meets your emotional needs, in other ways he is more than I could have dreamed of, but in this instance he really doesn't meet my emotional needs, quite the opposite :-(<BR>Practically all the things I feel should be a first for married couples he has done already, not with me. I feel overwhelmed by his past and need to know how not to let this cause problems with our future marriage or would I be better off looking for someone that is more like me for marriage in the view that it would have a better chance of working out? HELP? <p>[This message has been edited by Shorty (edited April 30, 2000).]