Hi,<P>I am recently engaged to a great guy who has waited a long time for me to warm up to marriage(14 years to be exact). Now as the wedding day draws closer, though, I am starting to have my old thoughts that he is not the one for me. One of the reasons I thought I was ready to try the "marriage" path with him is that no matter how many times we attempted to break up, we could never do it and always stayed together. Do not get me wrong - he is a great person that any girl would love to have, and I do love him very much. He adores me; that actually is part of the problem as I do not "adore" him. I cannot say that he is my "best friend" either. (I have a very close girlfriend who is my very best friend and maybe even my soulmate - too bad neither of us are gay...) He knows exactly where he stands with me and our communication is great, but I feel like he will be getting cheated by marrying me since our feelings for each other are not equal. Am I making a mistake? If we were to break off the engagement, I know that I would always wonder if I should have gone the extra mile. Is it wrong to approach marriage with a "let's try it" attitude? Please let me know what you think.

<BR>Hi,<BR>I do not exactly hae any great advice just some things to think about.<BR>I just wanted to say maybe you should take some time and maybe postpone the wedding before you make the final commitment.What is it exactly that you want to try in marriage with him?I am not sure I understand what you mean by that.<P>You also said he know where he stands with you, do you mean he knows you are not sure you want to marry him because you do not "adore" him?Or what exactly does he know?<P>Do you want to marry him because he is the kinda guy every girl would love or because of who he is to you?<BR>I don't know but marriage is a pretty big deal, so much involved in it and its something that takes work everyday and so I think when you commit yourself to someone like that its not to "try it out" but to say I am here no matter what happens, nomatter who I meet, for better or for worse.<P>So I suggest you search yourself, why do you love him, why can't you break up with him?What are you looking for in marriage?What is he looking for?Can you give that to him for aslong as you live?<P>These are just prompting questions to ask yourself before taking the big plunge.<BR>You say your communication is great, talk to him.<P>I hope you will find your answer.Hope that helps a little bit.<P>Maxini.<BR><P>------------------<BR>they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength

I would strongly suggest you postpone the wedding and seek counseling as a couple if you want to continue on the marriage path.<P>At the risk of sounding harsh, I have to say that your post leads me to believe that you keeping the escape hatch VERY open in this relationship and outlined several good reasons NOT to continue. There is nothing wrong with that…if you are happy with your single life and friends, etc. so be it.<P>Do you know or have you wondered why your fiance has held on for this long? I would suggest that this needs to be looked at too.<BR>

Thank you for your postings. You both have raised very good issues. I have asked my fiance why he has put up with me and waited for me all these years, and his only explanation is that I am everything he needs. He and I both realize that I do not feel the same way towards him; he is willing to accept this. This does not mean that I am unhappy in our relationship. When we got engaged, I laid it out what I could and could not offer him. He agreed to these terms. We both do love each other quite a bit. He, though, is "in love" with me while I "love" him. In most marriages, do both people feel equally for each other or is it common that one is more "in love" than the other? Some of my issues stem from me reading into non-verbal expressions and assuming they mean things - he is not a smiling person, so, many times I assume that he is not happy for whatever reason when I see him, when really it is just his nature to not smile much and he says he is very happy. <P>As for why we have stayed together over the years, whenever we got to the point of "yes, it's over" neither one of us were able to go through with leaving the other - for some reason, we do really love each other that is somewhat unexplainable. The thought of breaking up would tear us apart, even though we both know that there may be someone better suited for the both of us. In terms of morals and opinions, like tastes, etc... we are quite compatible. <BR>In an ideal situation, I would live with my boyfriend and my best friend, then I would have everything I would ever need, physically and emotionally. I even suggested this, but both of them think my idea is a bit strange.

<BR>hi,<BR>I have a question for you, why can't you develop the friendship with your boyfriend that you want?Maybe if you really love this guy its time to work on that friendship side and maybe cut down on the girlfriend a little to allow your fiance to take that space in your heart.<BR>I am not at all against a bestfriend other than your F. but I think if it gets in the way of totally commiting yourself to him then maybe it something you wanna look at unless you are totally willing to sacrifice him instead.I know that my H is by bestfriend,and even my girlfriend know that he is first and my very best friend before her and I think thats one of the critical things in marriage; being able to put your H first and foremost before friends or family.<P>Think about it, if he is such a wonderful man, maybe he is worth it, worth being your bestfriend only if you would give him a chance.<P>It sounds like you want your girlfriend to fulfill you emotionally and your F to fulfill you physically so who is fulfilling him emotionally?Isn't that something you wanna share?<BR>I may be wrong but think about it.<BR>Maxini.<BR> <P><P>------------------<BR>they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength