My wife works long hours at a job she is finally fulfilled by. I have always been supportive and when the stress has gotten to her, I am always the one who is there to try to help her relax, unburden, etc.<P>Recently however, she has become like another person. She talks about her career as though it's a 12-step program she can never ignore.<P>Then she came up to me and told me that we have to talk because she felt that she is growing beyond me. I asked her, in what way? She couldn't explain herself. She then made comments suggesting that marriage is futile and that society teaches people this archaic and out moded practise. It was'nt difficult to figure out this pattern because I had dealt with it before: I.E., her moron friends (each of whom BTW, have no one who loves and cherishes *them*)<P>Yeah, gee I wonder why? (sarcasm) Anyway, I implied that this "growing" seems to be concerned with having sex with other people and doesn't sound like growth at all.<P>But this story is not all bad. Later on she confessed that she's under so much stress to perform well that she's looking for outlets and our schedules are so different that she feels unconnected to me. Now the GOOD NEWS!<BR>She said she was not going to see these people anymore and she wants us to schedule our work weeks to always spend three days together, with two days of individual time (we are also both artists). Our weekends will naturally be spent together. I heartily agreed to "her plan" <--(explained below).<P>I was very broken up over the initial confrontation. I cried a lot today. But because she has never read Dr. Harley's work, and since her suggestions mirror the doctor's own solutions almost to the letter, I feel optimistic.<P>1. She suggested these things: Meaning that she has not given up on our marriage.<P>2. Well over the doctor's "15 hours a week" plan to regain intimacy lost because of our careers: Meaning, I assume, that she recognizes our distance and *wants* it to be erradicated. More importantly than that, that I am more important than her career afterall.<P>3. The cessation of contact with those emotionally arrested people: She recognizes what is truly loving & respectful and what is not. <P>I hope I'm right. I love her so.<P>Thanks Dr. Harley<P> <P> <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dzee:<BR><B>My wife works long hours at a job she is finally fulfilled by. I have always been supportive and when the stress has gotten to her, I am always the one who is there to try to help her relax, unburden, etc. <BR> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>How old are you and your wife?<P>How long have you been out of college?<P>What is your profession? <P>Was your wife in school when you got married and while you were working or also a student?<P>My only observation in your letter would be that it appears your wife has not been in the workplace before, or that she has worked other "non-career" jobs and has now found her niche. The initial "love" relationship she has with a loved career, especially if it's new, is just like having a new lover, it would seem to me. Everything is exciting, adventurous, and she's finding that she's confident, independent, and that others are interested in her opinions. It seems she's empowered by her new-established confidence.<P>Men seem to be more familiar with confidence, empowerment, and with people actually valuing their opinions. If your wife is just not being validated as a whole person, outside of being "your wife," I'm sure her initial excitement will settle into mature confidence and balance. Balancing life, career, love, and self takes practice. The pendulum sometimes must swing all the way to the right, then all the way to the left several times before finally settling in a rhythm more in the middle.<P>I hope all is well and that you are both successful in your marriage and your life choices.<P>Katherine