I have been married exactly one year and have been dealing with a heartbreaking problme the last 6 months. My H no longer has any interest in sex and to further the issue he doesn't understand why it hurts me so much. I have tried to talk to him about it but when I asked why he had had lost interest his response was "I don't know, I'm not God." This is breaking my heart because otherwise he is a great man and I love him dearly. However, the issue is taking a terrible toll on me and unfortunatley our still new marriage. I'd like to know that I'm not alone and any feedback and suggestions would be a comfort. Thank you.

Footballgal,<BR>My wife and I were discussing this exact same topic today. I'm on the side that sex in a marriage is a MUST!!!!!<P>I feel that first, sex (between married people)shows the spouse that you still desire them. <P>Secondly I feel that during sex you are giving your body to your spouse and vice versa. And you and your spouse become one.<P>Thirdly, sex is expressing yourself on a much higer level than giving gifts or telling your spouse that you love them. Action speaks louder that words!!<P>Since your marriage is so "young" and your husband has lost intrest I would try to get some type of help for him to try and discover what the problem is.<P>Ask yourself, how active was he with you sexualy before this started? Was there a problem and you just ignored it? <P>I'm of the opinion that sex is a very important part of marriage. Unless for medical reasons or breaking marriage vows, I feel that there is no reason for with holding sex from your spouse. <P>Ask your husband to get help with whatever porblems he is having. Let him know how important sex is to you and to your marriage. Have a serious heart felt talk with him about how this is ripping you apart. <P>I hope things turn around for you Footballgal. But I would make getting your husband some type of help on the top of the list. <P>------------------<BR>PSALMS 133<BR>AMOS 7:7-8<BR>ECCLESIASTES 12:1-7

Thank you for your insight. Things were definately different when we first got together. I'm going to try getting us into sometime of therspy or something. I have heard that counseling is often a way to strenghten a marriage before things are too far gone to repair. Thank you again.

i can totally identify with you on this- my H and i have been married 2 yrs and he lost interest in me within the first yr of marriage- i did talk to him about this but he was very defensive and would never consider counsoling- so if you have any luck please share your solutions! i can totally understand the feelings you are experiencing.<BR>

Although you are much younger, I guess, than I am--I've been married 25 years--your problem is the same as mine. Same story, H not interested in sex early in marriage, me wanting to keep the marriage together, H not interested in counseling, defensive, etc... We did get counseling before we were married 2 years, and again 3 years later, and again 10 years later, and it has always been the same problem over and over. We have gone for years at a time with no sex--H would get sweaty legs at the attempt of sex, feel horrible, ignore sexy advances I'd make, and that's the end of that. Otherwise our marriage is OK, but just OK. H has low self esteem, is somewhat depressed sometimes, and our energy levels are completely different, too, not just for sex. I am hanging out at MB and doing plan A, and all the MB ideas are great--but it has been almost 25 years of struggle. Three kids (I am persistent!!) and a lifetime together make splitting up very unappealing--but if I had known 23 years ago that we'd never solve our problem, I think I would have divorced. Please get all the help you can, PRAY, and evaluate your future together carefully before you may have children. This is not to be mean or to discourage you, but so you see that the problem is complex and can be long lasting.

Thank you for the words of advice- i often wonder what the future does hold and since we can't predict it, its hard to make the right decision besides on the unknown- i have spoken to my H about this many times and it gets better for a short while and then goes back to the way it was.

Well, I am glad to know I am no tthe only one dealing with this but I wish I could say things had improved. We agreed, or should I say I agreed to see a counselor. My H cancelled at the last minute and then began being a little more attentive...but still no sexual contact. He keeps saying I just don't understand and he's right, but he won't give me any insight to try and help me understand.<BR> I'm afraid he's already in the withdrawn phase and maybe he's also done with me.<BR> I continue to pray, to seek strenght and to see the things I love about my H so dearly.

I have been married for a few months and I am also going through the came problem, except I am the one who is refusing to have sex. I love my H dearly, but I am not interested AT ALL!<P>I like to look at him, but nothing he does can turn me on. We were definitely not like this before. I can almost pinpoint my problem (my H and I are going to counseling).<BR>I am feeling like my most important emotional needs are not being met to my satisfaction. Therefore, my love Bank is headed toward being overedrawn. <P>My husband and I figured this one out on our own, using this site to guide us. At this point is has not gotten any better, but at least we have ID the problem. It is much easier to come up with a solution when you know what the problem is. While in counseling we try to come up with ways that we both can get our needs met. Good Luck!