Heres the deal. I have a girlfriend who I absolutlely adore. In fact we have known each other most of our life, as she was truly the girl next door. We dated a short while 15 years ago, however we then parted ways and have reunited. You should know that we live 350 miles apart so the long distance thing may affect this situation. Our love for each other is on fire, and we are even talking about marriage, but there is one issue that troubles me and that is she has several very close guy friends. She assures me that there is nothing but frindship with these men. She hopes I can meet them someday, yet she is very protective about maintaining the friendships and having the freedom to continue the relationships and fears my getting jealous. To date there has not been any issues about it, but more struggles in the hypothetical. Although there was one incident last weekend when she called one of her guy friends to get together with her and "do dinner". She actually wanted to tell him about us. I was not happy with it. Its not that I dont trust her, but I dont trust the guy. Funny thing was is that this guys girlfriend had a fit about it and he cancelled the date due to her reaction. <BR>My girlfriend really has made a huge issue right up front about how hard it would be for her if I were to be troubled by her guy friends...however I fear that these guys serve some kind of purpose that I may be excluded from and that makes me wonder if it may harm intimacy in the long term...like the "seeds of weeds" as I say. <P>Most people tell me to just let it go, but I suppose my rather conservative/traditional personality seasons my struggle. Keep in mind that I have no problem with her interacting with men at all...its just at this level that concerns me. I mean I wouldnt even mind if she wrote them, emailed, or called...but to do a dinner date?...hmmmmm. Not easy for me anyway. Thoughts anyone??<P>

When are you guys planning on moving together or getting married? Would that ease your thoughts?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Yellow:<BR><B>When are you guys planning on moving together or getting married? Would that ease your thoughts?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Well my feeling is that this issue needs to be resolved before I move toward marriage. I want to marry her but fear that I will struggle with this...maybe not for a while but possibly eventually.

You are right to be cautious here. You two do need to resolve this issue before moving forward in your relationship. You can go to the Emotional Needs board and browse discussions about this very topic. You can also read on this site what Dr. Halrey thinks about opposite sex friendships. <P>You and your girlfriend would benefit from reading Dr. Harley's His Needs Her Needs book. <P>IMHO your girlfriend has placed these "friendships" ahead of your feelings. That would give me pause for thought.<P>Mud

You, my friend, are in a tough situation!! This exact thing happened to me and took 4 years to play itself out. <P>We dated for 4 years 3 of which were LD. When she finally got close enough to where we could see each other every weekend she started catching up with old friends. One of which she had know before her and I started dating.<P> I was always supportive of her friendships, resepcted them for what I thought they were - friendships. Never said anything. Problem was she knew it bothered me and still did it. Anyhow, to make a long story short we are no longer together and she is now with her "friend." <P> My advice to you is put your foot down now. Tell her exactly how you feel about it - that is bothers you and you wish she would stop it. If she can't you might want to think about taking a break. Let her do some soul searching on how badly she really wantes to be with you. It could save you a lot of heartache in the long run. <P>Best of luck!! <P>