<P>I've been friends with Mike for over 2 years. We both like each other very much, and he expressed his desire to court me (neither of us believe in dating, but in old fashioned courtship). I told him that it would be wise to wait one more year to court, just to give time for our intense feelings to calm down a bit. I do not want to choose a husband when I'm so overwhelmed by my feelings that I can't think objectively. I told him that if it was just a crush, in a year we would not be that interested in each other, but that if it's real love, then the wait will not affect it.<P>We see each other only in group setting with other Christian friends. He expressed the desire to see me one on one. I told him I was not comfortable with that yet. Because each time he's near me, I can think only of him, and I can't focus on whatever I'm doing. I told him that I'd see him one on one when I can be more level headed and objective.<P>I was right to wait and take my time, because now I see that he's not what I want in a husband. We are very good friends, but when I'm in a crisis, he does not give me the support I need. I have a very abusive mother. My brother 'divorced' her legally when he was 14 because of that. Her ex-husband (my dad) does not want to have anything to do with her. I'm all she has left. It seems that everyone she had ever cared for deserted her except me. I live on my own, because living with her is a nightmare with the verbal abuse and physical abuse too.<P>I noticed that Mike is too insecure himself to defend me or protect me against my mother. I have other guy friends who stand up to her when she's mean to me. One of them is so mad at her and cannot wait to confront her to tell her off. Another friend got into an argument with her to defend me. But Mike's attitude is that he does not want to get involved in this. He is very passive, and that goes with his gentle and fragile nature. He does not have the strength I want my husband to have. I see now that if I ever have great crisis in life, like lawsuits, catastrophic illnesses, life or death problems with children etc. I'll never be able to lean on him and receive the strong support I need. He's a gentle guy who shy away from conflicts and problems, and ignores them.<P>So I know that he does not have what I need in a husband. I no longer want him as a husband, and courtship is of course out of the question. But I still want to be his closest friend and sister. I still want to be that close to him so that each time he needs support I'm there for him. Is that unhealthy? I know he can be of no support to me, but I can be of support to him when he needs it. He's so vulnerable and fragile, and he always gets so easily hurt. I want to always be there to comfort him. I feel an almost maternal love for him, that he's someone to protect and comfort.<P>I don't know if it's the right thing to do to keep on being that close to him. Is deep friendship between a guy and a girl right when they both know that it's not God's will that they be more than friends? We really tell each other everything, and we are each other's confidantes. We also have that very strong affection for each other. I can see the difference I make for him, and how much joy my friendship gives him. I do not want us to go back to being just casual friends just because we're not each other's future spouses. The main thing is that I want to be there for him when other people can't. He also told me that he wanted to be my lifelong friend, since I don't want to marry him, and lifelong friendship is the next best thing.<BR>Do you think it's good for a man and a woman to be that close emotionally if they are not meant to be married? We have no problems being pure. We have never even held hands. We have zero physical contact, except for the occasional arm hug. I'd really hate to not be his close friend knowing that such friendship gives him much comfort when he's down.<P>I have many questions as you can see. Would that be too presumptuous of me to teach him how to give emotional support? I'm afraid that since I'm not going to be his wife, it might not be my role to teach him. Also, how can I teach him without coming across as demanding and critical? Is it okay if I say, "Here's a better way to give me emotional support when I'm down etc."?<P>Elizabeth<P>
