I have been married for 4 years. I always knew that my husband was a flirt, but it's really just harmless joking around<BR>(ex:joking around with waitresses.) I would always laugh right along, but now I'm starting to get scared. Women are always throwing themselves at him, but he just has fun with it and then blows them off. He says it is great for is self-esteem to know that he's "still got it!" <P> Recently he told me that, while at work, he flirts with the women in the kitchen so he can get free food! That wasn't too bad...almost a bit funny, but now there is a girl working at his site that he became very good friends with. He talks about her constantly and actually told me that he USED TO HAVE a "schoolboy crush" on her when they first met! (he's very honest & truthful like that.) He says that she looks and acts just like me...we even have the same name & B-day! This really frightened me! He swears that it's just a friendly relationship. He still talks and jokes around with her, and now he said he is beginning to think that she has feelings for him other than "just friends." He doesn't like that at all. He is actually upset by that because he wants her to just be a conversation buddy. He is constantly reassuring me that he would never destroy our relationship because he loves us TOO much. <P> I just keep thinking that it might<BR>not happen with this girl, but what about further down the road? I trust him deeply, but not other women! He also told me that he can't stop flirting because it's<BR>"the way he is." He said that flirting is healthy. He tells me that he is actually looking for a female to be "good" friends with. He is very in touch w/ his feminine side and wants a female friend (besides me) so he can talk to her about things that he can't talk to me about. He doesn't understand why people think it's wrong for a S to be friends with someone of the opposite sex when the S knows where to draw the line! He said that if the OW tried to do ANYTHING that he'd stop it right then and there. She would've just killed their friendship. Should I be as scared as I am? Please help.

It's not a matter of how much self-control your husband has. It's certainly not a matter of how you should feel. The fact is, you feel the way you do, and when your husbands friendships with other women make you uncomfortable, then he has "crossed the line." According to Dr Harley's "Policy of Joint Agreement" then he should not have those types of friendships if you do not agree to them. In order for a marriage to survive, then each of you must make the other your #1 priority. Period. Besides, who - man or woman - would not be hurt by that kind of behavior? You should tell your husband how you feel - honestly, and as calmly as possible - and go from there. Your feelings are just as important as his, and you should not have to sacrifice so he can enjoy deep friendships with other women. I suggest you read Dr Harley's Policy of Joint Agreement if you have not already, and also on this site he has a letter from a woman who was in a similar situation, and let it go for years. Best of luck!!