I have been married for a few months. During my entire marriage I have felt like I am not being treated fairly. My husband has 2 kids, who are the priority in his life. I rank somewhere down there. I find myslef doing things to help him and his kids, but what do I get in return. I am tired of this. I did not marry him to take care of his kids. I read another post where someone asked the person if she though Dr. Harley meant for a person to take financail support away from the kids. I do not think that is what was meant, but I do think that the need must be met or the relationship will sufer the consequences. <P>When I married him yes I knew HE had children. But I also knew that I did not. So why is it that I all of a sudden feel like I have been pushed aside. I have needs. But I need to feel like I am getting something out of this realtionship in order to continue. My husband does all that he can for me. But he does not provide me with the one thing that I need. Can it EVER be fair?

I am finding it difficult to understand why NOW you are having such a problem. You knew that he had children and also knew how important they were to him. During the period of your dating and engagement did he ignore his children and the day after your wedding decide that they were the center of his world? For all the love and time we give children the truth is they require money as well. I can't imagine that you and your husband didn't sit down and realistically look at your combined finances.<BR>I married and took on three stepchildren and over a thousand dollars a month leaving our household in support payments, I have to open my doors every weekend to little ones who want not just thier dad's time and attention but mine as well. Painting little toenails and putting them to sleep in my bed, we all go out as a family which means we feed them all and everytime we pass a toystore there's a little something needed for everyone. They drive the dog crazy and have boundless energy, they make a mess of my house and at times make me want to pull my hair our because I am exhausted. They all need baths and teeth brushed, clean underwear (which mom never packs) and it goes on and on and on.<BR>but the joy that it brings my husband to see that I not only accept him but his children as well is worth every runny nose. He knows what it's like to be ostracized for having "baggage". I treat those kids as my own, even when their mother wants to act like a fool. It's about my unconditional love for my husband. I would do anything for him out of that love and these little kids are a small price compared to some people that are dealing with drugs and alcohol abuse, cheating, stealing, possessiveness and everything else. His kids bring us closer. As for the money. It's money.<BR>I still get the things we need and for the things I 'want' I talk to my husband and say I would really like this or that how can we do it? We always work it out. There's nothing I am wanting for. I have frivolous pretty things and even a few luxury items and some money in the bank for the dream house we want. And on top of it all a few little kids that eventually go home, that think I am rather neat and can't wait to come back next week.<BR>Change your outlook. It's not about you. Start looking outside of yourself and see what a wonderful life you could be having with your new husband and kids. I would also suggest having a frank discussion with your husband on making a decison to set aside specific time for just the two of you. The same time every week, and both of yu decide to be there and spend some time as newlyweds.