Hi! I am very new to this website, it's great by the way! I am now 71/2 months pregnant, and newly married as of May 21. That's right, I got pregnant, now we're married. But it's great, because I love him, and he's strong where I'm weak, I'm strong where he is weak...it works out well. We both have extremely strong christian backgrounds,and are both very dedicated to having a Godly marriage. But, I am having severe problems with him...he wants to have a godly marriage, we pray together on a regular basis, but I feel the effort to be a great couple for Jesus is just not there in his heart. He is a great person who treats me wonderfully, I just want more spiritually. Any advice on how I can bring this to his attention without him thinking that I am judging his lack of spirituality??????

<BR>hi,<BR>I hope you and the baby are doing ok. Congratulations on the new baby!!!!<P>It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage and that your man loved God and loves you.<P>I just want to ask a few questions, what are your standards of a great couple for Christ? What are basing your judgments on. is it something he does or does not do, is it the standards from your parents or your background?<P>Was he lacking in "spirituality" before you got married or is it something you started to observe after you got married? What exactly are the "symptoms" of the problems?Is it that he does not initiate prayer time, or does not read and encourage you from the word? <P>I am just trying to help you look at other issues that may be underlying this. For example maybe your definition of a great couple for Jesus is different from his, have you talked about it to hear his explanation? <P>Be encouraged that him praying with you is a sure sign of spirituality and of pursueing the dream of having a Godly marriage.<BR>

Thanks for your reply. I guess that the relationship for Christ thing is based on nothing but that I am being selfish...as long as I have known him, he has never really had the "fruits" of being a strong christian, but there is so much inside of him, so much knowledge and understanding, there is such a calling on his life, and I want him to step outside of himself and see what I see. I guess it would help if I told him what I saw in him, the wonderful potential, (I hate that word), that he has in his spirit. No, he does not initiate prayer, maybe once since we got married, yet I am so grateful that he is not afraid to pray with or in front of me. I guess what I am trying to say is that I want a spiritual stronghold, I want him to take the bull by the horns and be the "king" of my household as far as sprituality is concerned. I want to grow with God WITH him, not faster or slower than him. I just don't feel that he has the want or the desire to be the kind of husband I need. I am just afraid that if I tell him that, he'll just shrug it off. (I'm not the greatest christian.) Do I need to let him see me grow more with Christ before I approach him, or do I tell him now so we can work on it together. I want nothing more than my baby to come into a household full of peace and love, something that neither I nor my husband grew up with. I think he just is not willing to give up some things in order to fully devote his life to Christ....<BR>

I listen to you and see (read) lots of things and I hope my response does not come out as judgemental. You are holding your husband to standards that you desire, have you stopped to think or pray on where God would have your husband to be on this day?<BR>Everyone has made mistakes and your role now is to be the best wife and soon mother God would have you to ba and allow God to mold your husband into a godly husband. Your example will play a huge role in his life, not by charting out what he should be in your eyes but by you showing you are striving to be everything GOd would have you to be for him. I was married on May 5 and am living this miracle a day at a time. My husband has told me the things that mean the most and that get him through each day are the fact that I am his biggest fan. I make it a point to let him know and reinforce in him that he IS the greatest thing God created since sliced bread. He already knows his faults and shortcomings and the things he would like to change about himself to become a better man/husband/father but he appreciates that I can lift him up even though he's not 'there' yet. My growth and my household are perfectly safe because I have accepted where my husband is on his walk. We are able to walk together and uncover many of God's mysteries together, some days I have the answers, other days God speaks to him. Our lives have different patterns, I am about to graduate from a 3 year Master Discipleship course and am working on a Master's in Biblical Studies, just because he isn't, doesn't put me above him, He is the head of our household and I submit to him completely. But my walk , encourages him to be more, do more, seek God's face for himself. I hope something I have said will resound in your spirit. You chose this man to be your husband, the Bible is clear about our roles as wives, I think if we just follow those rules and let God do His work , instead of trying to help him out.we'll be ok.<P>God bless<BR>

Wow! That was a great response, and you were not being judgemental at all. I see where you are coming from. My husband knows that I am behind him 100% in everything that he does and is. I have always been that person that stuck for him and believed in him when others just couldn't seperate who he is from what he did/does. I do understand that I can't expect him to be where I want him to be, and I really do appreciate what you've written. I also understand that whether he follows the Lord or not, I have to because I've made that decision...and hopefully he will look upon me as someone who inspires him to get back into the Word. Thanks again!

[QUOTE]<P>Hello Trulybeloved,<P>I too recently married my husband on August 12, 2000. I wanted to know how do you submit totally to your husband in this modern day. Please give examples. Just curious and also to ensure I am submitting totally. TIA <P>------------------<BR>Be Blessed for Marriage is A Good Thing<BR>BlessedWife

I guess I have to start by saying that I had to get to the point of completely trusting my husband. I believe the only to submit is to first trust the person you are submitting to, That way you don't start second guessing your actions and wondering if he will use this against you.<BR>I bleieve that I am being obedient to Christ by 'submitting' to my husband. You asked for examples: He IS the head of our household and by allowing him to be such I find that he comes to me for my opinions, instead of me having to push them on him. I allow him to make decisions that I know probably aren't the best or wisest and when and if they flop, he's learned a lesson in judgement that benefits us and he's more apt to take heed to my opinion in that area in the future.<BR>I also submit to him in lifting him up EACH AND EVERY OPPORTUNITY I GET. That may sound like a little thing but let me tell you, he puffs out his chest a little more with every compliment and bit of support. He BELIEVES that his is the greatest husband since God created man!!!!! That translates to a different level of responsiblity. He does not want to let me down, or have me to think or believe any differently. He loves hearing my praises of him, everywhere we go. His reputation precedes him. I show him respect for the role he holds in my life. He happens to work in a company with a lot more young single women than anything else. But I make it a point to show my face there when I bring my husband lunch for no reason or I send flowers to my husband because it's Thursday etc. etc. I let it be know that I do have great respect for him and what he does. I am very blessed to have a husband that understands equity and we share a great deal of the household responsibilities, but as for submitting I take very seriously the things that he asks me to do and I get them done in a timely fashion, I spend our money wisely, I take an interest in what's happening at his job to be able to carry on conversations that either help him out of a situation or allow me to congratualte him on an accomlushement there. I take an interest in his hobbies, and while I don't participate in them all I understand them and can talk about them because he enjoys them. It's a whole lot og LITTLE things.<BR>But the thing to keep in my is that your assignment is to bless your husband. I attempt each and every day to bless my husbands socks off! VERY few things get a No from me. There are compromises but I don't refuse my husband. <BR>The gain for me in this is that I get it all back 100 fold. For all I do for him he reciprocates. Everyone knows he's got the greatest wife and that he is more than just happy. He's blessed. He thanks God for me each and every day and does everything in his power to provide and protect and please me. He knows that as long as I am happy he is happy and I understand the exact opposite.<BR>When I bless him I can't help but be blessed. SO I focus NOT on myself but on thngs outside of me.<BR>It's not about being a workhorse, my husband is very respectful of me. He understand that I work as hards as he does at a job and with our children. So we split a lot of the responsibilities because if he is tired, most likely I am tired too. He respects my opinion, he knows I have intelligenct in the ways of the world and the ways of the spirit. He knows I can pray for him as well as think my way out of a problem, He values my perspective on things and comes to me to be another pair of eyes on things. We compliment each other and rely on the other's strengths.<P>When it gets tough-- when theres a disagrrement or misunderstanding when I snap or he snaps and feeling are bruised I have learned not to think of myself but to think of serving him. In the midst of an argument I will run him a bath or get him a drink of water even if he is in the wrong... It's humbling and it allows God to intercede. It's not about my pride it's about relationship. I have had to learn this but its so valuable to me. I don't worry about bad times or what's happening in the world outside of our relationship. I focus on the relationship and my husband and let the world take care of itself. And if ever there are to be any storms in our marriage I know that first off I have God how's on my side for saving my marriage. I also have the wealth of warm memories I have given my husband eachand every day. Before he makes any decision he'll have to ask himself is he willing to give up the thing sthat has bought him all this joy and fullness of life. I believe that counts for something.<BR>Hope I ahve helped.<P>